Monday, July 23, 2012

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Im heading back out to Denver on Thursday for my date with the hysteroscopy. Its just me going as A as going to stay home with LMI mwe thought about us all going, but it didnt seem worth it to bring her out for such a short trip. This will be my first time being apart from her for more than a few hours. Im nervous, but I know that she will be in excellent hands.

Its really weird for me going back to Denver. We are still committed to our plan of trying on own for the next few months, but still treatment is never far from the back of my mind. I am in a really good place emotionally though and I am going to try to approach TTC#2 differently than before. Im done with the secrecy. I made sure that everyone knew that LMI's conception was hard fought and long awaited. Anyone that told me it was because we just relaxed was given an in depth statement about the inaccuracy and ofensiveness of the statement. I still dont know why or how I was able to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby, but I am so thankful.

My comfort zone is back. My entire pregnancy with LMI I didnt feel like myself. I would go into my OBs office unprepared and find myself stumbling over words, forgetting to ask key questions and just overwhelmed by the enormity of it all. But when I had my phone consult a few weeks ago, the old me came flooding back. I was in fine form asking my questions and making my ideas heard.

The trip is going to be short. 48hrs. Im going alone and aside from missing my sweet LMI, Im a little bit excited about the me time. Im going to sleep without a baby monitor (and a snoring husband) and not have to wake up at 630am. Im going to have all day on Friday to myself and I plan to just relax and maybe hit the shops at Castle Rock. But it wont be all rest and relaxing, there is the main reason why Im going. Im nervous. No RE had an explanation for why I was miraculously able to get pregnant. The truth is that no medical intervention had worked in the past so I am doubtful that TTc#2 will be any different, so there are some unanswered questions here.

LMI is 11 months old today. Time is moving by so fast. She loves pulling herself up to standing and is just starting to be able to stand for a few seconds without support. She is also pushing her walking toys around the house and loves loves loves to read. It is so sweet watching her turn the pages - a teacher's dream. I think we are just entering the separation anxiety phase and just in time for her daycare transition - so I am not looking forward to that, but we will both find ways to get through it. Overall she is the happiest child and I just her and being her mommy.