Monday, January 28, 2013

It's On

There are two sure fire ways to get AF to show up.

POAS and email your nurse that AF is no where in sight and you may never get the opportunity to cycle again, because you are in now in menopause.

Maybe I jumped the gun a little, but come on, 37 days! It was my longest cycle to date. Even NN told me that a watched never boils, but I couldn't help it, I guess I wanted another miracle to happen, but instead I got multiple stark white lines on the tests and some major menopause anxiety.

This FET prep is very different for me. It is completely out of my control and I am trying to live by the mantra what will be will be. I go for my first day of monitoring on CD9 (this Friday) and then daily after that until the LH surge is detected or my dominant follicle reaches 17mm and we can trigger. After that, I book myself on a plane and transfer 1 or 2 (still undecided) embryos five days later. With my wonky cycles, ovulation is guestimated to occur around CD18 so we still have some time.

It is weird being back in this cycling place. I still want the end result as badly as before, but I have chilled out this time around. I'm not obsessing over everything. I am drinking one cup of coffee a day and I even had some chocolate. I am trying to have an open mind and know that if this doesn't work out, we have options. We are not done trying to expand our family.

Thank you for the continued support.


Monday, January 21, 2013

CCS results

The CCS results are in and they were surprising to say the least. Out of 11 donor egg embryos, we have...4 normal, healthy embryos. WTF?!I really shouldn't be surprised to get disappointing news, I mean it is me after all.

4/11. Wow.

On the positive side, I have four embryos - all graded 4AA. That is something to be excited about even if my dr. isn't. The regroup was a few days ago. I am still trying to process the fact that even though my body has shown that it can get pregnant and carry a pregnancy to term, there is very little hope that it will happen again - even with my healthy, chromosonally normal, donor egg embryos.

I am not sure what the plan is exactly. I am waiting for AF to start the FET and we are trying a natural cycle where we monitor close to ensure ovulation has occurred and then transfer five days later. This is said to be my best protocol and I will trust in that. Before our regroup, A. and I decided that we would transfer one embryo. After speaking with the dr. we are not sure anymore. He did not give me the 80% success rate that DE has. I didn't get the 60% success rate that a CCS normal embryo has. There is little hope. He said that by transferring two embryos it gives a better chance of achieving a singleton pregnancy. My thought it uses up more chances. What would you do?

So that's where things are right now. Purgatory. Waiting. Loosing hope.