OTC IUI has begun

It is so different this time. New phase, new protocol, new clinic. I'm a newbie again. I have learned over the years that every RE works different and you need to acclimatize to the different routines. Cd2 was Thursday and it was my first monitoring session for what I'm calling my over the counter (OTC) IUI. Monitoring is from 630-800 daily and since it was a work day I got there at 6:04 to ensure I would be finished with enough time to get to work for an 8:00am meeting. I was fourth in line. The staff at this clinic are wonderful. They make an effort to know your name on the first visit and have a "greeter" that is in charge of keeping the flow of appointments run smoothly. It worked. I was in and out in under an hour.

My results for CD2 are:
E2: 48.5
LH: 6.96
Prog: 1.25
FSH: 4.2

Ultrasound: AFC, Rt 5
Left simple cyst seen measuring at 1.6x1.4x2cm

I don't remember what my levels were like before so I'm not sure if these are an improvement or not. I also know my AFC is low - but have no clue about the hormone levels. Anyone that wants to explain I would appreciate it. Again, I'm a newbie. I used to have this information at my finger tips and was able to analyze, but now ism just going with the flow. It's weird.

So for my OTC IUI I started with 75ui Men.opour and 150ui Brav.elle. I've never taken the second medication which is why we are trying this combo. So far with only two days in I'm doing ok, but holy shit those needles STING!

I'm not overly optimistic that this will work, but I am invested now.

-R.

Where I'm At

I'm reading blogs and forums - everyday, but I'm not posting and not commenting much (I try to post but I'm having some blogger issues) I don't have a reason for it other than my head is not in the same place as it once was.

I'm still very much an Infertile. So much so that I keep becoming aware as CD1 keeps coming around without an invitation. I still get the jealous/sad/angry feeling every time a big round (or small little bump) comes my way or another "announcement" is told. It still hurts that I am constantly reminded how my ENTIRE family seems to get pg by thinking about having having sex while I...not so much.

But, I do have LMI and that makes it all easier. She brightens my day when in feeling low. She reminds me of why I need to keep trying and fighting to add to our family and why I can't fall apart when AF comes knocking on my door.

I have an appointment with the new local RE on Tuesday and I'm not sure what direction to take. On the one hand, A and I are enjoying the "trying" phase again. It is hard to remember back to that part from TTC1 because even then I knew that it would not be successful. But, as each cycle passes it does get harder and harder and I am very aware that time is not friend. Heck medical intervention may not be my friend. It wasn't in the past.

I'm petrified that LMI was my one and only chance at a pg. nothing worked before and we are clearly not the couple that once you have your body is "fixed". So I'm not sure where that leads me.

I miss IVF. Weird to say and admit but I do. There was/is a part of me that misses the early morning dates with the dildo cam and the monitoring. The numerous injections (not the actual needle, but what it represented) and the procedures themselves and the hope that came along with all 4 IVFs and 2 DE FETs.

I don't miss the FAILURE. I don't miss the extreme heartache, jealousy, self defeat and depression. I don't miss that place that I was in for so so long.

I promised myself that I was done with IVF. That if after six natural cycles I would go back to CO and use my DE embryos. I'm still on board with this plan - except for the natural cycle part. Maybe there is a middle ground? Maybe I should try adding some injections? Maybe some real monitoring? Maybe IUIs? But really, if IVF didn't work on me - will any of this over the counter stuff?

My head is all over the place right now. Not sure what Tuesday will bring or what I may ask for...I guess time will tell.

-R.