I'm still here, reading and commenting on all your stories, but for some reason haven't felt much like posting here. Not really sure why. Maybe it's because Im not really sure what to write about, or maybe it's that I can't admit to myself what I want to write about. Either way, I've been quiet.
Things on the pregnancy front having been moving along. Since reaching 32 weeks last Sunday, I am now feeling movement more frequently and intensely. I am not at the point where I can distinguish a kick from a hiccup or an arm from a leg, but can surely tell when a hard body part is poking me. I still find the movement kind of creepy. I mean when you think of it, it. But, it is has also helped me bond more with my Little Miss. I continue to have regular ultrasounds (thank you OB) and it is so amazing to see the change in LMI from week to week. She's now weighing over 3.5 pounds, but just like her mom is still pretty petite. The GD is the only issue giving me a real kick in the pants right now. To be honest it sucks. I am following the diet and exercising daily, but it's not working. After my first week on the Met.formin I was put on insulin. We all knew this was going to happen. I started out at 3 shots a day at the lowest dose, I'm now up to 4 shots a day with regular increasings. I feel like a failure. I am doing everything that they Drs and dietitian say, but still my body is not responding. I'm hungry all the time, but can only eat in 2 hour increments because I need to have accurate testings of my blood sugar. It is a lot harder than I anticipated and although I know that this is what I need to do for LMI to be healthy and I'm doing it, it really sucks.
We have also made some progress on the nursery! The room was cleaned out on the weekend and the first coat of paint was done on Monday. It already looks and feels so different. I'm hoping the stripes get done today or tomorrow and thence can begin hanging the drapes and chandelier. The furniture won't be here until the end of September, but I'm excited that at least this part will be complete. Once it's finished I will definitely post some pics. As we were deciding on furniture and placement, we moved a large office chair into the room to act as a glider. I find myself sitting in that chair and visualizing what it will be like to sit and cuddle with LMI in her beautiful nursery. The images are powerful and overwhelming. I'm starting to get really excited to meet her and begin the long overdue next chapter of our lives.
I'm freaking nervous. About everything, but mostly about LMI. It is never far from my mind that she may have DS. I worry about her and her quality of life. I worry about me and A and how we are going to handle it and I worry about myself and the initial reaction that will happen. Please don't judge me, if you haven't been in this place, you can't possible understand. A and I are committed to her and will love her NO MATTER WHAT, but we also know that it will be our biggest challenge yet. We have no new evidence to imply that she has DS and in fact, all of our ultrasounds show her to be perfect (which she will be regardless), but the worry is never far from my mind. Unlike my usual self, I haven't really allowed myself to google and research a ton on this. Maybe I'm in denial, or maybe it's because in my heart I believe everything will be ok, whatever the reason now that we are so close to finally meeting her, I'm scared. It's hard for me to talk about this with A or anyone else, because people just don't worry, or it will be fine, but the truth is no one knows.
That's basically where I'm at right now. Feeling movement, getting super excited and being anxious at the same time.
-R.
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This is a conversation that my sis had with her fertile friend yesterday, hope it gives you the same laugh it gave me:
Sis: how's so-and-so doing, is she pregnant?
Friend: no, actually she's been having some trouble, she has to start clomidya next month
Sis: I think you mean clomid
Friend: hay, I knew that didn't sound right
Oh to be an ignorant fertile, LOL.
Oh my goodness! I know how you feel. I had my little one 11 days ago and I was so worried. If it wasn't DS, it was something else. It's very tiring. I also had GD. Please don't feel like a failure. It has to do with the placenta and hormones. Not much you can do about it. Good luck! I can't wait to hear about your nursery and LMI.
ReplyDeleteFirst, LOL at the infertile cluelessness. But hey, maybe its some new IF treatment - clamydia! LOL!
ReplyDeleteAnd I think you are doing great - I got really scared but still very excited around this point too, I think its normal. It gets more and more real-feeling, ya know? I used to sit in the glider too, just imagining having a baby to rock- sometimes it was great, sometimes it scared the bejezus out of me.
Keep up the good GD work, it sounds so time-consuming. What a PITA, but at least it is time-limited I guess. How is it going with the shots? I know they are not your favorite thing.
I am SOOOO freakin' excited for you too!! If you can, take a video of the movement in your belly...I was able to take one video and A had me watch it the other day...oh how I miss my bump! But bleh on the GD?!! Gosh that sounds brutal! Hang in there...I know "brutal" is your middle name. I wish all it took for me was some clamidya to get pg...heck we could all use some clamidya!! LOL...
ReplyDeleteSo much going on with you! I know how you feel about not knowing what to write about. It's great that you are almost done with the nursery - you have such a great sense of style.
ReplyDeleteHang in there with the GD. I know it must be so frustrating, especially not being able to eat what and when you want to. But you are doing great! And LMI is going to be just perfect. You are getting there!!!
I know you will love your little one no matter what. Whilst you wait for her to arrive, please read http://www.kellehampton.com/ - particularly, the birth story. I think it will give you a lot of peace.
ReplyDeleteWe miss you when you are quiet. Dont let the voices in your head get too loud when you are quiet, ok? They have a lot to say, dont they. The bastards. They love to feed us worry. DS is a very valid concern, I cannot imagine who would judge. Your love reads through loud and clear - despite any outcome Little Miss is a much loved and wanted baby and family member. I am proud of you for managing the worry. And, uh, teach me.
ReplyDeleteChandelier for the nursery? Hurry and post me some pictures ok?
The unknown nature of the possibility of unexpected challenges is powerful. I don't know if that last sentence made sense, but we've dealt with that wondering in recent weeks. Heavy stuff. And not easy to post about. I'm glad you're getting some of your worries out into the world and sharing them here. You have the support of this community, whatever your feelings or concerns. So sorry you ended up having to deal with insulin; I'm glad it's not for much longer. Hooray for nursery developments and the beautiful place it's going to be for you all!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about the insulin. Sigh. It sounds like you are doing everything possible, and in the end it will only be for a short while. Hang in there hon!
ReplyDeleteLOL on the clomidya! Sorry you are having ups and downs at this point in your pregnancy. I am feeling similarly (although in different ways and about different issues), and I can only hope that the burden doesn't get too heavy for either of us. I'm trying to soak up the good things--watching my belly move around, counting the days until my next u/s--to cheer myself up. So sorry that the GD is further complicating things... that cannot be pleasant. Hang in there!
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