The Big 3-0

My 27th birthday was spent waiting in anxiousnanticipation for my consult with the RE after nine months of unprotected sex. My 28th birthday was spent hopeful that each IUI would bring me closer to a pregnancy. My 29th birthday was spent at the IVF clinic on the operating table for my first IVF retrieval. I remember the RE and nursing staff singing me happy birthday as the pain meds were only starting to kick in AFTER the procedure. I went home that day full of hope because surely, IVF works for everyone on their first try? My 30th birthday was spent in depression. I had just failed my fourth IVF, first one at the world famous, you doesn't get knocked up here, CC.RM, which was also my last ever cycle with my own eggs. As if that wasn't enough, turning thirty then seemed like a death sentence in terms of fertility. My last birthday - 31 was spent recovering from a miscarriage while gearing up for my last FETbegore signing on to use a GC. Last last 4+ years have totally sucked. So much so that I no longer wait for my birthday or wish it so, the numbers get bigger and the pain is still real.

Today marks a new day. I turned 30 weeks pregnant today. It was the first time in a long time where seeing a thirty didn't piss me off, send me over the edge to a depression or cause a hormonally induced anger fit. It felt awesome. This is starting to get real now. A and I are slowly dipping our feet in the we need to get shit before this baby comes pond. We took a first step last week. We walked into a Bab.ies R Us store to have a quick peak. Holy shit. To say that I was a little overwjhelmed would be an understatement. A. was in his dream world happier than a pig in shit to finally be looking at stuff for us, while I was terrified. But we did it. We managed to pick a stroller (Up.pa Ba.by Vis.ta - orange) and have decided that when the time is right, we will start a registry there.

We haven't really done a thing to get our house ready for Little Miss IT. Her nursery will be in A.'s office so we need to clear out his stuff, and get the room fixed nice and pretty. I'm thinking of doing dark purple walls (with a mat/high gloss stripe) and white furniture. I'm planning to accent with yellow. Any paint choice suggestions from Ben.jamin Moo.re are appreciated! Ats as far as I've gotten. I have NO idea where we are going to buy the crib and dresser from, or get bedding or anything else that she may need. We haven't started investigating carseats or other infant care monitors and if (please no) she came today, we would be completely unprepared.

Over the last few days I have been getting myself accustomed to the idea that I need to step up my involvement. Not just for me, but for A. He is so looking forward to decorating a nursery (not because he gives a shit about decor or paint, but for the other obvious reason) that I need to do this for him, for me and for LMI. Maybe this change is happening because with all the other shit that has happened out of my control, this is the one area where I can be prepared, or maybe because she seems to be waaaaay more a drive than before and it is hard to ignore (not that I want to) or maybe hitting 30 weeks is making this rel as she coming in the next two months and time will move fast. Whatever the reason, I'm getting excited.

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On a separate note, I am SO FUCKING THRILLED for LisainSK and her hubby A on the safe arrival of LN10. If you haven't done so already, p,ease go wish them a huge congrats.

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I have so much more to say about my GD, but will wait until after my appointment with endo dr, but thanks for all the love and support.

-R.