Monday, March 12, 2012

Reflection Time

I needed to take a step back from blogging and reflect. I don't want to be that person, but I fear I may be. We all know the one. I always vowed that if I ever become a parent, I would not stop having a brain of my own. Of course my life would revolve around my family (and it does), but when out in public and here in this space, I would be more than just LMI's mother. My journey to parenthood was difficult, not worse or easier than anyone else, just really difficult. I felt plagued at times that everything that could go wrong during a cycle, would and did. At thirty years old I was told by a highly respected RE and my local RE to pack in the towel and move on. Pregnancy and my genetics were not in the cards. I suffered multiple early miscarriages, lining problems, surrogate crises and of course donor egg failures both with the donor and the cycle - but this is not the pain olympics. We all have had a shit time of it. No one is worse off in the IF world, however I recognize how truly lucky I am that I have crossed over. Not everyone gets their happy ending. I am still amazed by LMI's conception and that she is here. My real take home baby.

I truly hope that if you read this blog (and google reader tells me you do), that I have not offended you or upset you with tales of my sunshine and rainbows. I write for myself - to have a reminder of where I have been and where I am going. I write for LMI - to tell her her story. But I also write for you - I know my ending is not typical, but most likely I have some experience in the area of IF or pg you were, are or may be dealing with and I wrote about it. Knowledge is powerful. Having options makes us feel a little more in control. If something I have learned or experienced can be of help it is my greatest pleasure to pass on the information. I have said many times that you are my family and without the support that I received I honestly don't think I would I have survived.


In other news, this is going on right now. Yup, this is the same agency that we used/are using for GC. And you guessed it, I have funds tied up there. I haven't been able to process this information - I literally have no words.


  1. I, for one, am grateful that you continue to write. It gives me hope that after goign through hell, you are finally a mom. I appreciate your comments on my blog very much.

    Very crappy about that ugly situation with this agency. Even crappier that you still have funds tied up in there. Hope you get your money back, R.

  2. Like Augusta, I am so thankful for your blog. I love reading about LMI. You give me hope. :)

  3. I have followed you since before, throughout your pregnancy, and after LMI was born. I am still on the "other" side -- and I haven't been offended. You SHOULD write what you feel and not censor yourself. If there is a connection, it will withstand pregnancy and parenting. If it doesn't -- well, then that wasn't a real friendship now, was it?


  4. I LOVE that you were lucky enough to cross over and I LOVE that you and I became such great friends. I hope in time you figure out what to do about the surrogacy agency...just can't help but feel an enormous sense of relief you were spared of this emerging tragedy.

  5. Yikes! To the surrogate agency. Insane. I don't know how I managed to fall in the land of IVF blogs, but I did (not being an IVRer myself.) But I did get some info regarding my own fertility when I was going through the process of being an egg donor. I am glad that I have that info as I was told by an IVF doctor (not sure if he is a RE but has the best bedside manner of any IVF/RE I've heard of and met whose not looking for $, but his patients bests interests) that based on my FSH ans AFC I could issues with a having a second child and if I wanted to have another that sooner was better than later. Another RE in a bigger city would've proceeded with the cycle. Thank god my IP's and I switched clinics.

    So thanks for blogging, and all IF bloggers, 'cause I sure learned a lot.

  6. good luck with the agency - that is so crappy. I have loved reading about you crossing over, and how much enjoyment you have by being a mom. I too crossed over, after a long struggle with infertility and genetics and multiple losses. It maked me appreciate being a mom even more - even when she pukes on me and is up all night. Take care, RJ

  7. Just checking on you....nicely written post. I can't believe that about the agency. That is pure evil. As Lisa said, I'm so glad you were spared that tragedy. Happy to see all is well with you and your family!


  8. I always enjoy reading your blog. Your personality and attitude crack me up, and I'm interested in what you have to say. I'm so glad you got your happy ending. :)

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