Thursday, May 24, 2012

Sorry For My Absence

My last post was in March. Holy shit how did that happen? When I first started this blog my goal was to write daily. Then it became more like bynweekly to weekly to monthly to every few months. I have no real excuse and its not because I dont have the time, I think its becuase now I have time. Yes Im busy with LMI, but shes on a predictable schedule with two solid naps a day and goes to sleep at 730 for the night. Time I have. I have spent a lot of time thinking. A lot has happened in my life lately and some of it has thrown me through a loop (NO I am not pg). My sister announced that she is expecting her second. It wasnt a shock, but it was still hard to accept at first. I fell apart briefly. Just like she had planned, her daughters will be 20 months a part. Imagine that, being able to plan out how close or far in age your children will be! That was the difficult part for me. Her life plan continues to follow the same path while mine is uncertain. We are also back in that place where many of our friends are expecting, 5 couples to be exact, and it just bring back all those IF emotions that were put aside. Its no secret that A and I would love to have another (possibly 2) more child/ren. We are not actively trying to build our family right now but we are not using any form of BC either. Who knows how, if, or when we will be lucky again to conceive. I have contacted NN at CCRM to get an idea of what will be involved to do an FET with our DE embryos and the first step will be a phone consult. I think I will set that up for the summer. So we are in rush right now. Im in a weird place right now. People look at you different when you cross over. Those who were once so supportive of you dont necessarily give you the same support the second time around becuase you have a child. Yes, when Im upset I can look at my sweet LMI and give her an extra tight hug, but that doesnt make me fertile. My IF doesnt disappear because I have a child - or many children. It is always with me even if lately it has been pushed off the sidelines at times. So thats where my head has been lately. A fussy haze of not being totally ready for a second child, while being envious of others who are on their way there and not being able to put the thoughts out of my mind. I know this may be difficult to read and I appologize for that if you are in IF hell right now. I just needed to get that off my chest. *** LMI turned nine months old yesterday. Shes amazing. Crawling or doing the butterfly on land as we call has been happening for a while now. Its amazing how she is still so small (14lbs4oz), but really strong. Like pulling herslef up to stand and even climbing the stairs. Its nuts. Shes starting to develop stranger/separation anxiety and selfishly I love it. She is a total daredevil and loves anything with speed like the swings and slide at the park. Hates the stroller though so I have been getting lots of use of my babyBjorn I guess her being small has its advantages. LMI is becomming quite the foodie. Seeing as I am super picky I try and expose her to a variety of foods so that she will hopefully develop a taste for variety. We are slowly moving away from purees and giving her little bites of finger foods. It is so cute when she fists a handful of watermelon cubes and tries to shove them all in her mouth. Oy! Im also introducing milk to her diet and am planning to begin weaning her off of BF. I have mixed emotions about this. I didnt love BFing and we had a very rocky first five months with it, but we both survived. Its time. Shes currently nursing three times a day and I dont think my supply is what it used to be so from a nutrient stance, it will be better for her on the real stuff. Its still a bit sad to realize that she is growing up so quickly. Ok, long post done. I promise not to let too much time in between posts in the future. -R. Ps- thanks Cass for the blog feedback, the iPad doesnt give you a clear picture of what it will turn out like. It also wont separate into paragraphs. Im working on it.

8 comments:

  1. Welcome back to the blogosphere! I'm sorry you are still feeling some pain over IF...it's all very complicated. Most days I find I am just too busy to feel it anymore, ha.
    It's so fun when they start eating finger foods, too!

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  2. ;) hey R!!! Great update...here for you as you begin your journey for #2!!

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  3. OH and I'd KILL to be the fly on the wall in Dr. Schoolie's office during your phone consult. That will be a gooder for sure!!

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  4. Nice to hear from you R! Sorry you have to deal with your sister's perfectly planned fertility, that must be hard. Glad to hear LMI is doing so well.

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  5. It's great to hear from you R, I was wondering how things were going with you guys. I know how you feel about the blogging - I have also not been so good about it, and I can use lack of time as an excuse either.
    I hope you continue to enjoy all the marvelous new milestones that LMI reaches - you have lots more fun and excitement ahead!
    Just a little note about the blog renovation - I'm not loving the colors - it is actually pretty difficult to read; I'm seeing spots ;-)
    But still great to hear from you!

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  6. I guess IF never goes away, does it. It seems from your post that your recent experiences have brought so many of the feelings back. I hope there is an easy solution to bringing your second child home, like say, having sex and getting knocked up. It is nice to have those embryos awaiting, though.
    Glad to read that LMI is doing so well. And so nice to read a blog post from you after your time away from blogging.

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  7. Good to hear from you!

    I understand what you mean about your sister's life going according to her plan and how it highlights the fact that your own life plan hasn't entirely come to fruition. I haven't experienced that with my own sister (which must be especially hard) because she has her own fertility challenges, but I have experienced it with several friends and acquaintances.

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  8. I think the next baby is a deeper ache. You know what you are missing and you know how badly you want a sibling for your favorite person in the world. Anyone who gives less support is an ass. You will always get it from me.

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