Thoughts

This morning I was officially finished with bedrest. Every time, I hope and pray that this will be the last time. I take my time getting up and out of bed. I walk slowly to the bathroom and have a shower for the first time in days and then I slowly get dressed.

And then we pack up the room and leave the hotel and hope that we do not come back.

It's a weird feeling to be in the TWW. You are so hyper aware if every twinge and pull and cramp in the ute' region - but yet it doesn't mean anything. The hormones/drugs mimic pregnancy so the crazy tired cant pull my head up and lower abdomen cramping are just mind fucks. I want it to be because I'm pregnant, but really at 2dp5dt should you really feel something? I didn't feel anything with LMI. I caught completely off guard - this time I am hoping that every ache is something more.

I am feeling good emotionally speaking. A and I are on the same page and feel we made the right choice for us right now with the eSET. My lining was good for me. The embryo was beautiful and "just like fresh" and my mind was relaxed. This is probably the best my body has ever been for a transfer.

But yet I am not sure if I am feeling it.

It is so scary to let myself believe or hope that this may work out. We've been here before and we know how it turned out. This is my 5th DE embryo transferred, 14th overall. So I'm scared. Scared shitless. I am not sure where to go next if this fails.

I am going to be positive. I am going to try and be positive.

-R.