Please excuse both my absence and the use of bullets.
The last 6 days have been an absolute dream in ways I could have never imagined. I have learned many things, made many mistakes and had many wonderful moments.
Part 1: In the hospital
- I followed LisainSK's hospital packing list, but since being in the hospital for two extended stays I have a few additions:
* a mini fan if it will be nice weather
* towels - the hospital ones are teeny tiny
* eye mask and ear plugs, a MUST if you are in a shared room
* healthy snacks because hospital food sucks and you do get tired of eating junk food (assuming you don't have GD)
Part 2: All about labour and delivery
- The epidural rocks, but has some side effects that I was not prepared for:
* Some people (me) develop EXTREME itching. Literally I was clawing on my stomach, legs, breasts and arms during labour. Unfortunately there is not much that be given to ease this. It continued to last the remainder of the day even once the epidural wore off.
* Some people (me) develop the shakes. I liken it more †o being in an ice box, although no† feeling all †hat cold. It was more the chattering of lips and teeth and uncontrollable shaking. This wen† away after labour, but for some only starts after.
***Either way the epidural is a must.
- I was shocked that †he urge to push feeling felt like needing to go poo...INSTANTLY. When you push, if you visualize yourself in the bathroom, you will do fine.
- Baby's come out looking squished. I was scared for a moment†, but within a couple of hours she plumped up and †urned into a real cutie.
Part 3: The hospital stay
- Take advantage of the nurses, that's what they are there for.
- In our 4 day stay we learned so much; swaddling, feeding, diapering and overall caring for a baby - so helpful.
- Don't get discouraged if you don't get discharged right away, the longer the more secure you will hopefully be when its time to leave.
Part 4: Homecoming
- IT IS FUCKING HARD
- I have only had one breakdown since coming home on Friday, and it was within hours of getting home.
- Partner up. A and I discovered early on that things go a lot smoother and easier when we work together. This is the first time that I can remember where we are 100% all the time on the same page, i† is so nice and is making life so much easier.
- Limi† your visitors. We didn't do this and I am regretting it now. I'm exhausted. We spent the weekend entertaining family and friends. Even though I took it easy, I'm still exhausted.
- Seriously cannot recommend enough how important rest is. Take naps, it will be worth i†.
Part 5: Breastfeeding
- It sucks. Small and early babies tend to have difficulty. Don't get discouraged and don't blame yourself.
- LMI isn't latching so we are working with a lactation consultant through the hospital. We started off on 100% bottle fed with formula, added in finger tube feeding, breast pumping, and utilizing the aids out there...Med.eala nipple shield is FANTASTIC. It made it so easy for her that now we are doing great. According to our first paediatrician visit today, LMI has been stable with weight gain since leaving the hospital. We would like it †ΓΈ improve and she will continue to be monitored.
Part 6: What I learned
- The last five years were hell on earth, but without them we would not have our LMI and she is the best thing that ever happened to us. Don't get me wrong, I don't understand why we needed to endure so much anxiety, hardship, devastating losses and failed cycles, but at least now, from where I stand, I would do it all again (and may have too) to have another chance of becoming a mom again.
- You will find strength you didn't know existed inside you when you care for your child.
- Your heart will explode with the amount of love you have for your little one.
_ Everything in life worth getting, is worth fighting for.
LMI - thank you for making me the happiest mommy on the block. I love you so much!
-R.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Welcome to the World LMI!!!
Little Miss IT (aka LMI as she will continue to be known as here) was born on Tuesday, August 23rd at 2:33pm weighing a whopping 5lbs2oz!
On Monday A and I went to our scheduled OB appointment and growth scan. At the ultrasound she was officially declared IUGR weighing 5lbs2oz, it placed her at below the 10th percentile. I knew from that moment that we would be meeting her very soon. The OB agreed and called to have me put on the induction list. He told me I would get a call within the next 24hrs and would need to be ready to get to the hospital. I would not be going home again. A and I were starving from being at the hospital for so long that we decided to have lunch in the hospital cafeteria before heading home. We ran into my long time friend and staff OB at the hospital who by fluke happened to be on call on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I told her my situation and she immediately called the L+D floor to see what my timing would be. We were 2nd on the list (its based on priority) so she estimated at least 4 hours.
So what do you do? We went home, and I met my sister-in-law for a mani/pedi session (they were already chipped from last week and wanted the extra pampering). I knew that at anytime I could be called, even though it was unlikely, so I paid before I got started. The manicure felt like it took forever. My nails came out great, I got a french manicure in the shellac polish so it would last and then got settled for my favourite part, the pedicure. I had my feet soaking in the tub and she had just finished filing the nails when, you guessed it, I got THE CALL. I told the manicurist that I needed to leave asap and could she please polish my toes as quickly as possible. Of course, I chose a colour in the red family (Jewish tradition wards off evil and bad things) Cajin Shrimp and quickly left with A for the hospital.
We checked into triage around 415pm and I was brought in within a few minutes. My friend was the OB who checked me - not dialated at all and started the rippening of my cervix. At 500pm she inserted the Cer.vadril, worst part was the internal, and at 600pm I was brought into a room to wait. By 1130pm I was feeling menstraul like cramping so I was brought to
L+D where I would stay. The Cer.vadril usually takes 12-24hrs to work so I was checked at 515am, but I had made little to no progress. The cramping was getting pretty uncomfortable and at 845am I begged to be rechecked and yup, 3-4cm dialed which meant they were able to get the party started. As soon as the Cer.vadril was taken out, the cramping lessened. I then asked for some time to process before getting the epidural.
At 1100am I was given the epidural and my water was broken at 1130am. I was really scared for the epidural and to be honest, there was some pain that felt almost like a pinched nerve, but it was short lived and totally worth it. I was then given the Oxc.tocin to bring on labour at 1230pm and it didn't seem to be working at first. I was told that I would dialate 1cm every 1-2hrs. Well, within an hour and half I felt the sensation of "having to shit" and told the nurse. Although unlikely she thought I should be checked just to see where I stood - I was 10cm, no one expected it. The dr on call (my friend was in surgery) left to go stitich someone back and my nurse, A and I started pushing. I was told for a first time mom it can take 1-2hours...14 minutes later with a tiny 1st degree tear, my daughter was born!
She was perfect, healthy and over 5 pounds. My dreams have come true. I have never been more in love or in awe in my life. The rest is a bit of blur right now, but life is great. A and I could not be happier right now. She is truly a miracle.
-R.
On Monday A and I went to our scheduled OB appointment and growth scan. At the ultrasound she was officially declared IUGR weighing 5lbs2oz, it placed her at below the 10th percentile. I knew from that moment that we would be meeting her very soon. The OB agreed and called to have me put on the induction list. He told me I would get a call within the next 24hrs and would need to be ready to get to the hospital. I would not be going home again. A and I were starving from being at the hospital for so long that we decided to have lunch in the hospital cafeteria before heading home. We ran into my long time friend and staff OB at the hospital who by fluke happened to be on call on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I told her my situation and she immediately called the L+D floor to see what my timing would be. We were 2nd on the list (its based on priority) so she estimated at least 4 hours.
So what do you do? We went home, and I met my sister-in-law for a mani/pedi session (they were already chipped from last week and wanted the extra pampering). I knew that at anytime I could be called, even though it was unlikely, so I paid before I got started. The manicure felt like it took forever. My nails came out great, I got a french manicure in the shellac polish so it would last and then got settled for my favourite part, the pedicure. I had my feet soaking in the tub and she had just finished filing the nails when, you guessed it, I got THE CALL. I told the manicurist that I needed to leave asap and could she please polish my toes as quickly as possible. Of course, I chose a colour in the red family (Jewish tradition wards off evil and bad things) Cajin Shrimp and quickly left with A for the hospital.
We checked into triage around 415pm and I was brought in within a few minutes. My friend was the OB who checked me - not dialated at all and started the rippening of my cervix. At 500pm she inserted the Cer.vadril, worst part was the internal, and at 600pm I was brought into a room to wait. By 1130pm I was feeling menstraul like cramping so I was brought to
L+D where I would stay. The Cer.vadril usually takes 12-24hrs to work so I was checked at 515am, but I had made little to no progress. The cramping was getting pretty uncomfortable and at 845am I begged to be rechecked and yup, 3-4cm dialed which meant they were able to get the party started. As soon as the Cer.vadril was taken out, the cramping lessened. I then asked for some time to process before getting the epidural.
At 1100am I was given the epidural and my water was broken at 1130am. I was really scared for the epidural and to be honest, there was some pain that felt almost like a pinched nerve, but it was short lived and totally worth it. I was then given the Oxc.tocin to bring on labour at 1230pm and it didn't seem to be working at first. I was told that I would dialate 1cm every 1-2hrs. Well, within an hour and half I felt the sensation of "having to shit" and told the nurse. Although unlikely she thought I should be checked just to see where I stood - I was 10cm, no one expected it. The dr on call (my friend was in surgery) left to go stitich someone back and my nurse, A and I started pushing. I was told for a first time mom it can take 1-2hours...14 minutes later with a tiny 1st degree tear, my daughter was born!
She was perfect, healthy and over 5 pounds. My dreams have come true. I have never been more in love or in awe in my life. The rest is a bit of blur right now, but life is great. A and I could not be happier right now. She is truly a miracle.
-R.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Last Minute Reflections
If you knew it was probably your last weekend at home with just you and your husband, how would you spend it?
Its a weird place to be, knowing your child will be entering the world in the imminent future. To be fair, we have been on LMI alert since 34w when I was told about her growth issues and the fact that my other medical issues (GD, high BP) are playing a serious role in her development. So for the past three weeks, I have worked HARD to speed up getting my shit together so that I would be ready to finally meet her.
This weekend was spent relaxing. Aside from my mandatory 24hr urine collection where for obvious reasons I was tied to my bathroom, A and I really didn't do much. It was nice. We had our last "official" sleep in on Saturday, spent most of the day in pajamas and I parked myself on the couch watching Fo.od Net.work and working like a mad woman on LMI's monogrammed needlepoint pillow (so close to being finished).
My house is starting to look like a baby could live there. Our furniture still has not arrived and we don't expect it until the end of September, but we were loaned a bassinet so we have a place for her to sleep when she first comes home, we have some washed preemie and newborn sized sleepers and clothes and a ton of receiving blankets, washcloth/towels and swadling blankets. Needless to say we have stuff and are physically ready.
Emotionally? That's another story. I have been in some serious denial about this whole pregnancy thing. I never truly believed that I would be having a baby of my own - especially not by me being pregnant from my own egg. Its still truly amazing and such a miracle. Because of this denial, I haven't given any thought to HOW this baby will be entering the world. I'm scared. Scared of an epidural/spinal (although I believe 100% in heavy meds), scared of the pain management not working and scared of a C-Section. Just plain scared. Shitless. But, after all I have been through and suffered through I know I can do this. I will be hard, but I can do it.
The countdown to meeting my daughter is on, it won't be long now...
I honestly can't thank you all enough for the love and support you have shown me throughout my journey thus far. I'm not done with blogging, and promise to not disappear, I will continue to be a source of support to all of you as you have all been for me. THANK YOU ALL!
-R.
Its a weird place to be, knowing your child will be entering the world in the imminent future. To be fair, we have been on LMI alert since 34w when I was told about her growth issues and the fact that my other medical issues (GD, high BP) are playing a serious role in her development. So for the past three weeks, I have worked HARD to speed up getting my shit together so that I would be ready to finally meet her.
This weekend was spent relaxing. Aside from my mandatory 24hr urine collection where for obvious reasons I was tied to my bathroom, A and I really didn't do much. It was nice. We had our last "official" sleep in on Saturday, spent most of the day in pajamas and I parked myself on the couch watching Fo.od Net.work and working like a mad woman on LMI's monogrammed needlepoint pillow (so close to being finished).
My house is starting to look like a baby could live there. Our furniture still has not arrived and we don't expect it until the end of September, but we were loaned a bassinet so we have a place for her to sleep when she first comes home, we have some washed preemie and newborn sized sleepers and clothes and a ton of receiving blankets, washcloth/towels and swadling blankets. Needless to say we have stuff and are physically ready.
Emotionally? That's another story. I have been in some serious denial about this whole pregnancy thing. I never truly believed that I would be having a baby of my own - especially not by me being pregnant from my own egg. Its still truly amazing and such a miracle. Because of this denial, I haven't given any thought to HOW this baby will be entering the world. I'm scared. Scared of an epidural/spinal (although I believe 100% in heavy meds), scared of the pain management not working and scared of a C-Section. Just plain scared. Shitless. But, after all I have been through and suffered through I know I can do this. I will be hard, but I can do it.
The countdown to meeting my daughter is on, it won't be long now...
I honestly can't thank you all enough for the love and support you have shown me throughout my journey thus far. I'm not done with blogging, and promise to not disappear, I will continue to be a source of support to all of you as you have all been for me. THANK YOU ALL!
-R.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Holy Shit...
... There is a car seat installed in MY car
Since being released from the hospital last week, I have been feeling mostly ok. Yes, the headaches are still in full effect, but I'm taking Ty.lenol every 4-6 hours and adding a codeine tablet at night. It helps. My anxiety is more under control in terms of being alone. I'm comfortable with that, except for taking showers and sleeping. Luckily it hasn't been a problem.
The problem I'm having is with my blood pressure. Its on a steady incline, with variable highs both at home and at OB. Yesterday it was 150/88 and that was after sitting and resting and knowing that the NST and BPP ultrasound were both great. I was really afraid that I would be readmitted. Thankfully this wasn't the case.
I'm to go back tomorrow for PIH blood work and to pick up a container for a 24hr urine collection (to be done Sunday/Monday) and then return to the OB on Monday morning to decide which day of THAT week we are going to deliver!
Yup, next week I will be a mom. I will finally meet Little Miss IT and I am thrilled and scared to death. A's in shock. Although we knew the possibility that she would be coming early, now that its a reality its pretty overwhelming. We are prepared - materialistically and emotionally. I think we both (especially me) are in denial that an actual baby is coming home to live with US. We are both just so happy that I will be 37w on Sunday and LMI will be considered full term. Holy shit!
-R.
Since being released from the hospital last week, I have been feeling mostly ok. Yes, the headaches are still in full effect, but I'm taking Ty.lenol every 4-6 hours and adding a codeine tablet at night. It helps. My anxiety is more under control in terms of being alone. I'm comfortable with that, except for taking showers and sleeping. Luckily it hasn't been a problem.
The problem I'm having is with my blood pressure. Its on a steady incline, with variable highs both at home and at OB. Yesterday it was 150/88 and that was after sitting and resting and knowing that the NST and BPP ultrasound were both great. I was really afraid that I would be readmitted. Thankfully this wasn't the case.
I'm to go back tomorrow for PIH blood work and to pick up a container for a 24hr urine collection (to be done Sunday/Monday) and then return to the OB on Monday morning to decide which day of THAT week we are going to deliver!
Yup, next week I will be a mom. I will finally meet Little Miss IT and I am thrilled and scared to death. A's in shock. Although we knew the possibility that she would be coming early, now that its a reality its pretty overwhelming. We are prepared - materialistically and emotionally. I think we both (especially me) are in denial that an actual baby is coming home to live with US. We are both just so happy that I will be 37w on Sunday and LMI will be considered full term. Holy shit!
-R.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Home Sweet Home
After morning rounds yesterday I was discharged. Overal I was extremely happy to be able to go home, breathe fresh air and have some indepence back - but there is a part of me that is scared.
Over the past couple of days I haven't been feeling all that great. My pulse feels like it is pumping so fast (when readings show high 80s - low 90s, not so fast for me), my headache is getting worse and I feel hazy like I'm drugged or something. I was checked out very carefully before leaving the hospital and they told me there was nothing seriously wrong with me or LMI so home we went. Have any of you felt similar symptoms at the end of your pregnancies?
Because I'm not feeling 100%, I'm scared to be alone. I font feel stable on my feet and I'm worried. A picked me up from the hospital, but had to work late last night so I slept at my parents' house because of the fear. He has to leave the house crazy early tomorrow morning for work, so again I'll sleep out (at my sister) because I'm uncomfortable being alone. I hope that after a few days away from the hospital and the extra attention I will be ok again.
The entire time I was in the hospital I was so focused on my appearance. I kept thinking that I was going to meet my Little Miss for the first time with dark roots, hairy legs and sharp toe nails. Not the first impression I want to make. I think I was so obsessed with this because it was out of my control - it was on my to do list, but might not have been checked off. Getting a wax and mani/pedi almost immediately yesterday was the first thing I did. My hair will be early next week. I'm not taking any more chances or playing with time.
For the immediately future I will be monitored closely. I was given specific instructions for when to return to the hospital and will continue with weekly BPP ultrasounds and growth scans every two weeks. If at any point me or LMI are not doing well, then its game time and I will be induced. At this point, I'm 8 days from full term so I'm really hoping we can make it that far.
My plan until she arrives is to rest and take it easy. We have a few more things to finish, but if I do a task a day, it should all work out. I promise to post nursery pics when finished, but it is turning out better than expected!
Thanks again for the support, as always your words comfort me in the tough times.
-R.
Over the past couple of days I haven't been feeling all that great. My pulse feels like it is pumping so fast (when readings show high 80s - low 90s, not so fast for me), my headache is getting worse and I feel hazy like I'm drugged or something. I was checked out very carefully before leaving the hospital and they told me there was nothing seriously wrong with me or LMI so home we went. Have any of you felt similar symptoms at the end of your pregnancies?
Because I'm not feeling 100%, I'm scared to be alone. I font feel stable on my feet and I'm worried. A picked me up from the hospital, but had to work late last night so I slept at my parents' house because of the fear. He has to leave the house crazy early tomorrow morning for work, so again I'll sleep out (at my sister) because I'm uncomfortable being alone. I hope that after a few days away from the hospital and the extra attention I will be ok again.
The entire time I was in the hospital I was so focused on my appearance. I kept thinking that I was going to meet my Little Miss for the first time with dark roots, hairy legs and sharp toe nails. Not the first impression I want to make. I think I was so obsessed with this because it was out of my control - it was on my to do list, but might not have been checked off. Getting a wax and mani/pedi almost immediately yesterday was the first thing I did. My hair will be early next week. I'm not taking any more chances or playing with time.
For the immediately future I will be monitored closely. I was given specific instructions for when to return to the hospital and will continue with weekly BPP ultrasounds and growth scans every two weeks. If at any point me or LMI are not doing well, then its game time and I will be induced. At this point, I'm 8 days from full term so I'm really hoping we can make it that far.
My plan until she arrives is to rest and take it easy. We have a few more things to finish, but if I do a task a day, it should all work out. I promise to post nursery pics when finished, but it is turning out better than expected!
Thanks again for the support, as always your words comfort me in the tough times.
-R.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Update - New Info
All I have in me right now is bullet points, sorry.
- I'm still in the hospital, at least for now. I've had daily NST monitoring and they have all come back within the normal range, phew!
- I was moved to a private room on Saturday and that has made all the difference. I'm now getting sleep.
- My GD has been acting funny since I was admitted. I've had two hypoglycemic episodes, which have been scary. Yesterday my blood sugar dropped so low that i was instructed to drink juice ASAP, eat and then retest. I felt so faint and dizzy, but luckily, the protocol helped and I felt better relatively quickly, but boy was it scary.
- They bumped up my growth scan to this morning and LMI has gained a pound in two weeks! She now weighs 4lbs12oz and is up from the 16th to the 19th percentile. I won't know what this means for her until later today/tomorrow as the staff dr needs to review the scan. I think the imminent delivery scare is over, but she will be closely watched for sure. I have no idea what the plan is in terms of me staying here or being discharged and I have mixed feelings about it.
PRO:
- It would be AWESOME to go home, sleep in my own bed, shower and be home finishing up my last minute things
- I would have more flexibility and be able to get some fresh air
CON:
- 95% of the time I am stable, but for that time when I am not, it is very reassuring to be here
- I'm being so closely monitored that nothing will slip through the cracks
- I will be seen as an outpatient 3 times a week by my OB and this will be frustrating and hard - especially since I don't drive
So I guess time will tell what the plan is for me and Little Miss IT. I will update more later. thank you for the thoughts and well wishes, they are so needed and really help brighten the day. Today is 35w3d, I never thought I would reach this milestone, let's ee how far we can get!
Here is the information from morning rounds today:
- drs happy with growth ultrasound, baby doing well
- having an MRI as soon as possible to investigate headaches, ruling out random things - we all expect it to be normal
- once MRI results are back and normal, I will be discharged
- regular monitoring of me and baby as out patient
- if at anytime me or baby not doing well, babys coming out
- won't let me go past 39 weeks
- I'm still in the hospital, at least for now. I've had daily NST monitoring and they have all come back within the normal range, phew!
- I was moved to a private room on Saturday and that has made all the difference. I'm now getting sleep.
- My GD has been acting funny since I was admitted. I've had two hypoglycemic episodes, which have been scary. Yesterday my blood sugar dropped so low that i was instructed to drink juice ASAP, eat and then retest. I felt so faint and dizzy, but luckily, the protocol helped and I felt better relatively quickly, but boy was it scary.
- They bumped up my growth scan to this morning and LMI has gained a pound in two weeks! She now weighs 4lbs12oz and is up from the 16th to the 19th percentile. I won't know what this means for her until later today/tomorrow as the staff dr needs to review the scan. I think the imminent delivery scare is over, but she will be closely watched for sure. I have no idea what the plan is in terms of me staying here or being discharged and I have mixed feelings about it.
PRO:
- It would be AWESOME to go home, sleep in my own bed, shower and be home finishing up my last minute things
- I would have more flexibility and be able to get some fresh air
CON:
- 95% of the time I am stable, but for that time when I am not, it is very reassuring to be here
- I'm being so closely monitored that nothing will slip through the cracks
- I will be seen as an outpatient 3 times a week by my OB and this will be frustrating and hard - especially since I don't drive
So I guess time will tell what the plan is for me and Little Miss IT. I will update more later. thank you for the thoughts and well wishes, they are so needed and really help brighten the day. Today is 35w3d, I never thought I would reach this milestone, let's ee how far we can get!
Here is the information from morning rounds today:
- drs happy with growth ultrasound, baby doing well
- having an MRI as soon as possible to investigate headaches, ruling out random things - we all expect it to be normal
- once MRI results are back and normal, I will be discharged
- regular monitoring of me and baby as out patient
- if at anytime me or baby not doing well, babys coming out
- won't let me go past 39 weeks
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Admitted
In anticipation for today's OB appointment, I packed my hospital bag last night. I didn't actually think I was going to need it, but thought that it was probably time to have it ready to go.
I needed it today. I arrived at the hospital around 830am and had my first appointment at 10. I met with my new BP dr who wasn't concerned about me and discharged me to the GD for monitoring as I was not deemed to have high blood pressure. Yay, score 1 point for R!
My OB appointment was scheduled for 2pm, so at the hospital I waited. It wasn't too bad though as I have a couple of friends on staff here that helped me pass the time.
My first test was the NST. It didn't go so well. Apparently, when you are in labour the baby's hour drops during a contraction and then rises again after. If you're not in labour, this shouldn't happen - of course it happened to me.
I then went on the ultrasound where I scored perfect on the BPP, but it wasn't enough for my OB to be happy. He admitted to the hospital for monitoring for at least two days.
I have also been having some bad headaches and vision issues lately so I'm also on the pre eclampsyia watch. 24 hour urine = fun times.
Right now, I'm settled and calmer. It was a bit of a whirlwind day, but LMI and I are doing well and hoping we can stay together like this for a little while longer.
Today I am 34w4d...
-R.
I needed it today. I arrived at the hospital around 830am and had my first appointment at 10. I met with my new BP dr who wasn't concerned about me and discharged me to the GD for monitoring as I was not deemed to have high blood pressure. Yay, score 1 point for R!
My OB appointment was scheduled for 2pm, so at the hospital I waited. It wasn't too bad though as I have a couple of friends on staff here that helped me pass the time.
My first test was the NST. It didn't go so well. Apparently, when you are in labour the baby's hour drops during a contraction and then rises again after. If you're not in labour, this shouldn't happen - of course it happened to me.
I then went on the ultrasound where I scored perfect on the BPP, but it wasn't enough for my OB to be happy. He admitted to the hospital for monitoring for at least two days.
I have also been having some bad headaches and vision issues lately so I'm also on the pre eclampsyia watch. 24 hour urine = fun times.
Right now, I'm settled and calmer. It was a bit of a whirlwind day, but LMI and I are doing well and hoping we can stay together like this for a little while longer.
Today I am 34w4d...
-R.
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