Monday, August 22, 2011

Last Minute Reflections

If you knew it was probably your last weekend at home with just you and your husband, how would you spend it?

Its a weird place to be, knowing your child will be entering the world in the imminent future. To be fair, we have been on LMI alert since 34w when I was told about her growth issues and the fact that my other medical issues (GD, high BP) are playing a serious role in her development. So for the past three weeks, I have worked HARD to speed up getting my shit together so that I would be ready to finally meet her.

This weekend was spent relaxing. Aside from my mandatory 24hr urine collection where for obvious reasons I was tied to my bathroom, A and I really didn't do much. It was nice. We had our last "official" sleep in on Saturday, spent most of the day in pajamas and I parked myself on the couch watching Fo.od and working like a mad woman on LMI's monogrammed needlepoint pillow (so close to being finished).

My house is starting to look like a baby could live there. Our furniture still has not arrived and we don't expect it until the end of September, but we were loaned a bassinet so we have a place for her to sleep when she first comes home, we have some washed preemie and newborn sized sleepers and clothes and a ton of receiving blankets, washcloth/towels and swadling blankets. Needless to say we have stuff and are physically ready.

Emotionally? That's another story. I have been in some serious denial about this whole pregnancy thing. I never truly believed that I would be having a baby of my own - especially not by me being pregnant from my own egg. Its still truly amazing and such a miracle. Because of this denial, I haven't given any thought to HOW this baby will be entering the world. I'm scared. Scared of an epidural/spinal (although I believe 100% in heavy meds), scared of the pain management not working and scared of a C-Section. Just plain scared. Shitless. But, after all I have been through and suffered through I know I can do this. I will be hard, but I can do it.

The countdown to meeting my daughter is on, it won't be long now...

I honestly can't thank you all enough for the love and support you have shown me throughout my journey thus far. I'm not done with blogging, and promise to not disappear, I will continue to be a source of support to all of you as you have all been for me. THANK YOU ALL!



  1. I am so pleased you are ready at home for LMI. I can't wait to hear that the delivery went well and you are both home, happy and healthy.

  2. wishing you the very best of luck. I cannot wait for you to meet this little girl- hard for it not to feel real then. Wishing you so much love and luck. You're going to be a mommy to a take home baby so soon!!!

  3. It sounds like a pretty good way to spend a last weekend! You can't store up sleep, which is unfortunate, but true :)
    I know it's scary and here is my very best piece of advice (which I think works for all new parenting situations): just make it to six weeks. If you can make it to six weeks you will be just fine! And I don't mean the first six weeks will be awful, but they will be challenging, you will cry as much as you laugh (and that's ok!), and you will wonder what the heck you were thinking! But it will all be ok. I think at around six weeks your body, heart, and mind start adjusting fully and realizing that you have a new least that's how it was for us. We had plenty of wonderful moments along the way too, but we had plenty of moments where we were completely overwhelmed and freaked out.
    OK, enough rambling. You'll be fine! We'll all be thinking about you and sending you virtual support!!

  4. Scared sounds about right to me - right where you should be at this point. I remember feeling scared too, something about knowing the when made me more scared, made me have a point to fous my fear on. But you are right, you will do great, you will get through it, and you get to meet LMI, so all the fear will wash away.

    I agree with MTL above me too, the first 6 weeks are a challenge, but one you will get through and come out stronger in the end. It is a big adjustment, but I know you will do great.

    Can't wait to hear how everything goes. I'm thinking of you!!

  5. How wonderful that you were able to relax this weekend! I am going through many of the same emotions... the denial, the fears, and the excitement. I'm sure once LMI is born, the motherhood part will come naturally to you. I cannot wait to hear when her birthday will be! So excited!!!

  6. We're all scared to give birth (I just gave birth to my second last week-FET #1, same IVF batch as my first) and I was more scared this time than last. But the honest truth is-you'll get through it, we all do. Everything, as horrible as it may be, is totally worth it when you're holding your sweet baby.

    Here's to a smooth delivery, and a speedy recovery!

  7. Hey R,

    I had a c-section after a failed induction and I can honestly tell you it was not that bad. I have had worse headaches. best of luck


  8. It is bananas how painless the c-section was for me. I felt quite nauseated after Toddlerina came out. I was a little panicked as I was lying on my back - how to I throw up? They injected something into my IV and I was right as rain.

    Please try to rest easy. The worst part about my c section? They told me to get up like 24 hours later. What. It doesnt hurt. What! It didnt!

    The only thing that hurt was stupid me using my alpha hydroxy facial wash in the shower. When it rinsed down me and met my incision



    I hope you are laughing. I am smiling so much my face hurts. I cannot wait to see you with this lovely baby in your arms where she belongs - where they all belong!

    Love love love to you Momma R.

  9. I'm so pleased for you! It's OK to be nervous about labour and how you'll handle it, but I think the important thing to remember is that all the discomfort of delivery is finite. You know it'll be over in a matter of hours, unlike, say, the turmoil of infertility where you don't know if it has an end point....

    I say discomfort there, because for me it was sensations other than pain that bothered me during my deliveries. With my son, I didn't like the urge to push; with my daughter, it was the sensation of my pelvis loosening. I mention this not to scare you, but just so that you're not surprised by it. Everybody focuses on the pain of labour, but there's so much more going on--and there are very few things that can beat the high of it being over. Afterglow central!

    But I am so so pleased for you to be here, having followed your journey during this emotional pregnancy. And I ditto My Two Lines about getting through the first six weeks. Enjoy your daughter, and best of luck as you start out on the next journey!

  10. R--

    I won't lie, labor hurt. Like you I was 100% for meds. The epidural just stung for a moment. It was strange having my legs numb but way better than pain. And I had tears plus an episiotomy (for some reason that doesn't look like it's spelled right) and it was painful down there for a couple weeks.

    But you are a trooper and all that will just seem to be a blip once you have LMI in your arms. I am so excited for you!!!

  11. ps - make sure to ask the hospital to give you some lanolin if you plan to breast feed! It isnt the quantity you need, but the number of little tubes they give you. You can lay them all around the house so you can roam and nurse and roam and nurse.


  12. Hi R!! I am always breathless when I go to check your blog!

    Like the posters above, I also agree with the 6 week thing. As you know from reading my blog, it actually took me even a little longer than that to bond with the twins (I was in COMPLETE DENIAl the entire pregnancy, and using a surrogate made that denial even so much easier.) So, don't be sad or upset if you aren't that Hollywood mom type right out of the park, you'll get there in your own time...!