Saturday, August 18, 2012

Back to Reality

I thought that LMI "fixed" me. That her conception, pregnancy and birth deleted my IF status and made me like them. As much as I talk about TTC2 and needing to go back through all the shit that comes with IF including going to Denver, somewhere deep down I thought I wouldn't. I would continue down the urban legend path, the one where once you have a baby the next comes sooooo easily.

Oh how wrong I was. This was our eleventh month without birth control. It was my fifth actual cycle and our first timed BD according to my holyfuckingawesome ultrasound that showed my thick and triple patterned lining and dominant follicle.

I don't think I was prepared for a BFN. I even had the end.omet.rium ready to start shoving. How pathetic is that?

IF sucks. This is just another reminder of how much.



  1. I'm so sorry. It just really blows. :( (hugs)

  2. Boy, do I hear ya on this. It sucks, and somehow, it almost feels unreal - like hey, I got pregnant before, I should be able to do it again, no problem. Then, wham, BFN.

    I'm sorry, R. hugs

  3. This must hurt a whole lot right now, and bring up years of pain in your past. I'm so sorry, and I hope that the next try will be the one.

  4. Hi R - I had a few minutes and was checking on blogs to see what my favorite bloggers were up to and read your post. I didn't know you were trying again. I'm sorry things haven't worked out yet. I am wishing you all the luck in the world to have a sibling for LMI!

    I bet it was strange going to CO, especially since LMI came without their help. Everyone is telling me to try soon for a sibling because "my body knows what to do now and I'm very fertile after having a baby"...yeah, right! My little guy is only 9 weeks old and I already wish for a sibling for him either naturally, with the 2 embryos we have left, or through adoption.

    I hope that it's right around the corner for you!