I was so scared to be "out". It brought a new level of anxiety to my world that I didn't even know existed. I had panic attacks, sleepless nights and freak outs. It.Sucked. Thankfully I convinced Dr Dad to order me an ultrasound so that I could reassure myself that IT was still there, with a beating heart and all, everything is fine. We were also able to pick up the heartbeat on the Doppler (which was the first time we actually heart it) and this alleviated my stress. I now can relax and wait until my next OB appointment in two weeks.
My NT results still are not yet in, which is frustrating. I feel like I just need that extra bit of reassurance that things are going on the way they should. Hopefully they will be in soon, but I am trying to hold on to this calmer place that I have found and am not stressing too much about it. Its progress.
People have been so unbelievably amazing towards me when they hear the news. I have never been one to shy away from the fact that I have IF, but have never publicized each IVF attempt, BFN and m/c either. But as I need to keep reminding myself, when you have been married for 7 years with no children and your younger sibling is a mother, people make assumptions (correct ones in my case). Either way, I feel a bit like a celebrity. It is almost as if people feel ok sharing their stories of IF with me because I get it. People are also surprising me with their reactions. Friends that I have lost touch with, and coworkers that I barely know continue to shower me with genuine love and happiness...it is both wonderful and overwhelming.
I feel like I don't want to let anyone down and this is where the anxiety stems from. Yes, in my head I realize that a m/c at this point would be a slim possibility, but what about all the other complications (high blood pressure, incompetent cervix...) to think of then telling all these people bad news, is at times too much to think about. This is partly why I am what I am, an anxious mess. But as I have said, I am doing better. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that this is happening and TO ME. This is something that I have worked so hard for for so long and now it may be a reality.
To those of you still waiting for your turn, I know that it may be hard for you to read about me and my story and for that I am sorry. As always I think of all of us and hope that we all get our happy endings...soon.
UPDATE: OB's office called today with my NT risk assessment. Thankfully it came in extremely low at 1:2442! I am so relieved.