Wonderful Weekend

The weekend was amazing. It started on Friday, when I told my boss. I was so nervous all day, I felt like I was constantly running to the bathroom, but...I did it. I managed to tell her, without saying the actual words (haven't been able to do that yet). She was really excited for me and guessed that it was a long time in the making...sigh. To be expected I guess.

Friday night we told my extended family. We were at my parents for Shabbat dinner and it was just my immediate family and my three grandparents. A. did the telling and the response was overwhelming. My grandfather was so happy and animated (which is always a good thing) and my grandmother was immediately brought to tears. My boobie, was in a bit of shock. It took her 11 years to have my mother and she was unable to have more children, so she has felt this kinship with me (even though we have never discussed IF or my TTCing). After a good hour, she processed what we said, and was just so happy. It was a moment I will never forget. I think the best/hardest part of the telling was my father's reaction. After we told the grandparents, he excused himself to the other room and just started bawling. Watching your father cry is never easy, even with it because of extreme joy. It reaffirmed how much A. and I are loved. It also made me realize that I don't think my dad ever thought we would actually get to this place. He has always remained cautiously optimistic throughout it all, but now I realize that he was probably doing that to protect me. In any case, the memories of the moment will never fade.

My aunts and uncles and cousins came for dessert and A. again got to tell them. Again, the room was filled with love and excitement.

I will say that as much as I cherish the fact that we were/are in this place, I wanted the night to be over. The emotion was too much at times and I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I didn't enjoy myself. I was so focused on trying to hide my tears (as I am not sure what emotion they were from) and ignoring my extremely nervous stomach, that I wanted to go home. It was just too much. Wonderful, but too much.

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Saturday was spent emailing and telling friends. Again, the response was amazing. People that I didn't think really cared one way or another, emailed or left voice mail with the sincerest of words. Some actually cried. The outpouring of love was felt.

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Sunday...I went shopping. My sister, niece, and two BFFs hit the mall for some maternity shopping. Thank goodness we decided to have lunch first, as I was quite overwhelmed. We got to the first store and when I was alone in the change room, I stared at myself in the mirror. I couldn't believe I was actually there. Tears started, but I wouldn't let them get out of control. I managed to hold myself together.

I literally tried on the entire store and managed to do quite well. It was the first time in a long time, where shopping and spending money didn't bother me. We know by now that I love shopping, but I haven't allowed myself to do any in the last few years as I was always hoping the new clothes wouldn't fit soon after. This time was different. I needed new clothes. My not so small stomach is popping out of my pants and I am uncomfortable (so not complaining...stating facts) so shopping was in order.

Having the support of my sister and friends was amazing. Yes, at times it was like too many cooks in the kitchen, but they were there out of love. It was really special.

This truly was a weekend like no other.

-R.