I have heard IT's heartbeat a few times now and I continue to be amazed. My dad came over this afternoon with the Doppler so that A. and I could have a listen, we were able to find it after a few short seconds and it seemed louder. It sounds to me like IT has a strong heartbeat around 156 and that makes me happy. It is also so much louder and more pronounced now. Cool.
After the high of hearing the heartbeat, I allowed myself a few minutes of fun on the Internet searching names. Oy, are A. and I going to have trouble! We have different philosophies for how we should name a child. Let me start by saying that in Judaism, we name after the dead and it can be with the direct name or the same first initial. I am of the opinion that the name is more important than gender where A. feels that a girl should be named after a grandmother and a boy after a grandfather. We have one name that is kicking around that meets both criteria, but I am no where close to committing (we also are going to find out the sex and that will help narrow our choices). Either way, it is going to be stressful as we are both such strong minded, opinionated and stubborn people...but I am not for one second forgetting that I would LOVE to fight with A. over this!
Today marks 15 weeks. I still can't believe it. Although today, I allowed myself a few moments of normalcy, typically I still haven't acknowledged this. I do catch a glimpse of my changing (or growing) body, but don't necessarily equate that with what is inside it. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will allow this blase anxious attitude to continue until the anatomy scan and if everything looks good, I need to get over it and start dealing with this.
In other non-related news, I have spent the entire weekend working on my final project for my course. It is due on Tuesday and is now 90% finished. I just need to grab a few more items from work tomorrow and then put the finishing touches on. I am so proud of myself for working so hard on my career over the past years while TTC. It has given me some focus and perspective. Since beginning our TTC journey, I have worked at 4 schools and completed 4 courses - the last being right now. Work has been something that I could rely on (except for the mess of last year and my disaster of a job which thankfully I quit and have no regrets) and feel proud about. It was something that I could control when it seemed like the rest of my life was spinning out of control. Tuesday's course completion will symbolize an ending for me. It will be the end of my formal education for my career (as I will have all the qualifications needed) and hopefully be a way to leave the last 4+ years behind and focus on the future. Today, I am optimistic that my future will be bright, which is something I haven't thought for a really long time.