Sunday, March 20, 2011

Moments of Normalcy

I have heard IT's heartbeat a few times now and I continue to be amazed. My dad came over this afternoon with the Doppler so that A. and I could have a listen, we were able to find it after a few short seconds and it seemed louder. It sounds to me like IT has a strong heartbeat around 156 and that makes me happy. It is also so much louder and more pronounced now. Cool.

After the high of hearing the heartbeat, I allowed myself a few minutes of fun on the Internet searching names. Oy, are A. and I going to have trouble! We have different philosophies for how we should name a child. Let me start by saying that in Judaism, we name after the dead and it can be with the direct name or the same first initial. I am of the opinion that the name is more important than gender where A. feels that a girl should be named after a grandmother and a boy after a grandfather. We have one name that is kicking around that meets both criteria, but I am no where close to committing (we also are going to find out the sex and that will help narrow our choices). Either way, it is going to be stressful as we are both such strong minded, opinionated and stubborn people...but I am not for one second forgetting that I would LOVE to fight with A. over this!

Today marks 15 weeks. I still can't believe it. Although today, I allowed myself a few moments of normalcy, typically I still haven't acknowledged this. I do catch a glimpse of my changing (or growing) body, but don't necessarily equate that with what is inside it. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will allow this blase anxious attitude to continue until the anatomy scan and if everything looks good, I need to get over it and start dealing with this.

***

In other non-related news, I have spent the entire weekend working on my final project for my course. It is due on Tuesday and is now 90% finished. I just need to grab a few more items from work tomorrow and then put the finishing touches on. I am so proud of myself for working so hard on my career over the past years while TTC. It has given me some focus and perspective. Since beginning our TTC journey, I have worked at 4 schools and completed 4 courses - the last being right now. Work has been something that I could rely on (except for the mess of last year and my disaster of a job which thankfully I quit and have no regrets) and feel proud about. It was something that I could control when it seemed like the rest of my life was spinning out of control. Tuesday's course completion will symbolize an ending for me. It will be the end of my formal education for my career (as I will have all the qualifications needed) and hopefully be a way to leave the last 4+ years behind and focus on the future. Today, I am optimistic that my future will be bright, which is something I haven't thought for a really long time.

-R.

12 comments:

  1. Congratulations on finishing your 4th course. You should indeed be VERY proud of yourself. It seems like you are someone who keeps going in the face of adversity. I think mat leave will be an excellent time for you.
    Glad that your dad can help in his role as doctor, and come over with the doppler. It must be infinitely reassuring. 15 weeks! That's just amazing! I am excited for you and look forward to following your next 25 weeks of realizing that this is real.

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  2. ooooh, names! another exciting hurdle on the way to parenthood! we haven't even begin to go there yet...but i think, like you guys, we might have different ideas on what we like and don't like. only time will tell!

    congrats on the project! it's such an achievement when you finish something so big. you should feel proud of yourself!!

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  3. Mazel tov! All awesome things. xo

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  4. Nice to read such a happy post! Congrats on reaching 15 weeks!

    T

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  5. thank god for a few fleeting moments of normalcy...ive had some myself as i seriously forget at times that im actually pregnant. im blaming that on the lack of oh-ma-gah-im-gonna-die-itis that i was plagued with last time. i am so so happy that the whole family is able to share this special time with you guys.
    love to you, sorry i haven't been around much, just busy obsessing and being in hard core denial, y'know normal stuff.
    xoxo
    lis

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  6. That's awesome about the heartbeat! I'm glad you have moments of normalcy, hoping those start happening closer and closer together.

    And I totally get the career thing--if I hadn't done my lipid boards during the whole TTC thing and focused on my career I think I would have gone under for sure. Yay you!

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  7. R. I am so excited for you to be moving steps closer to meeting your baby. So glad that things are moving along and going well!! 15 weeks, amazing!!! wishing you a smooth ride the rest of the way.

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  8. Wow, 15 weeks! You deserve lots of normalcy, lots of boring pregnancy stuff. And fun arguing over names :)

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  9. Good for you R for finishing your continued education!! You should be soo proud of yourself! And join the club with regard to having a tough time over names!! And 15 weeks?!! Wow...just amazing!

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  10. Congrats on your course. It is great that you have been able to focus so much on your career in the past few years - I've been pretty much on auto-pilot, I have to say, so I'm very impressed.

    As for names, I was named after my grandfather, so I support that decision too, if you have a girl!

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  11. You sound like a million bucks. It warms me all over to see you dip your toe in. I cannot wait to see you swimming over your head with this little sweetheart home in your crib.

    This made me so happy to read. Hang on to this!

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  12. i dont come by enough as it is, so i wanted to come by even though this isn't a new post and let you know that im thinking of you.
    xoxo
    lis

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