Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I Need a New Soap Box

I am so sick of people talking about how difficult life is when you have kids and you just don't know until you have them. Um, shut the fuck up. I have a pretty good idea of how difficult life can be WITHOUT children, but my pain and hardships are sidelined as I am not a mom. Tonight I was in my last class and the discussion turned to new teachers. The point was made that new teachers have no home life and with no family they have easy lives and all the time in the world to dedicate themselves to their work. What? I was so upset. I spoke my piece, but I think I got a beat too heated.

I have no children, but I would not say that my life is easy. We don't need a recap, but none of our lives have been easy. Yes, I completely understand that life will be hard when we add children. We will be busy and stuff will come up, but seriously, to imply that people's lives without children are useless and boring. No, enough is enough. Some people just don't have a clue.

Ok, rant over.



  1. Judgmental fools. Let them rot in hell.

  2. Kudos to you for speaking up. It's something that needed to be said. :)

  3. I'm mostly a lurker, but I had to leave a comment on this one. It seems to me that it has become popular for many people to voice their claim to "I have it harder than you, and you have it so easy." And that by staking that claim, we should then be in awe of their amazingness.

    The bottom line is, life is challenging. With kids, without kids...we all have individual challenges. I don't for a second think that just because someone is childless their life is easier or better or takes away anything from my own life. And while I do have children, I completely agree with you. I hate hearing people complain about their kids. If it's so damn difficult, then please quit having children!

    And honestly, having children does not make your life "harder" in my opinion. It only presents different challenges. If someone views their life as harder after children, I guarantee that this perception of life was held long before kids entered the picture. They were the ones who bitched all the time before.

    Life is what you make of it. Enjoy it. Comparing ourselves to others only leads to misery.

  4. I love what the above commenter said. I do not pretend that parenting is easy, but trust me (and you) we do not have it easy either. Sometimes I think this IF/loss part is harder, but who I am to judge?
    I often hear things about how lucky I am to get to sleep late on weekends, I am dying to reply by informting them that I actually need to wake up to get to the RE for monitoring by 8:00am. Too bad I am too chicken.
    I am glad for IF for one thing, sensitivity. I think it will forever make me think more before opening my mouth and saying stupid/hurtful things!!!!

  5. Way to speak your piece R!!! Hoping that you changed the minds of some of them...

  6. There is no no no such thing as responding too strongly. I am proud of you, yet not surprised at your response.

    Fools. They are everywhere.

  7. I so agree with you and so glad you spoke up for all of us who dealing with this on a daily basis especially in our career life...UGH.

  8. People are so judgemental and ridiculous!

  9. YES! love this post.

  10. I wish I could have been there to hear you set them straight! I'm glad you spoke up.

  11. I got one for you. I just spent a weekend away with a friend who happens to be an elementary school teacher. She told me that life with one child was not difficult and that if she can handle a classroom of 30 kids how hard can one be? I wanted to smack her. Once her work day end she's isn't responsible for making sure that each and every one of those children’s needs were met, let alone one. Parenting doesn't end just because you child is away for the weekend with dad. I can not wait for the day she had a child of her own.

  12. Some people are so ignorant to the fact and people do not really understand unless they have suffered themselves...its sad and wish we could all make the understand but as mommy said
    "Life is what you make of it. Enjoy it. Comparing ourselves to others only leads to misery. " but some people get off on thinking they have it harder
    I always get the "wait until you have kids then you will realise things are hard" stupid people if they only knew and understood everyone has a story to tell and it does not just involve kids

  13. It is very true that you cannot fully appreciate how hard it is to parent a child until you've done it. Which makes me wonder why people feel the need to keep going on and on about it.

    It's also true that the yearning for a child and the devastation of coming to terms with a different path than the one you always anticipated is much harder. Maybe you don't have the physical sleep deprivation, constraints on your time and what not... but needles, doctor's appointments and trying to retain some privacy have their own toll.

    Emotionally, I'll take having a child over wanting one every damned time.

  14. Your post encapsulated what we all deal with on a daily basis. I love your line " shut the f up". There are so many people I felt like saying that to. Also, you asked me a CCS question on my blog Littlediiorios. I sent you an email to the address on your blog. It will come from Iveta.

  15. thinking of you and baby

  16. Can I just say that I had similar feelings to you - and I still stand strong in those. But what I wanted to warn you of, or at least have you consider ... is when folks say that infertility patients can have a higher degree of PPD, because they think - "I've worked so hard for this baby, I will surely LOVE it with ease and gratefullness." Well, I'm here to tell you that I thought that too and it was VERY difficult to feel feelings of "what did I do" and "this is so hard" following the birth of my son - things I am embarrassed to even write. But I wanted to warn you that that may come for you and to be ready and not feel ashamed if it does. I also see the disconnect that you have with the pregnancy - and I totally get that, and I had that too. I was SHOCKED when they put a live baby on my stomach the day I delivered, I kept asking the nurse - "this baby is alive, are you sure it's alive?" (He was totally alive - I was in shock cuz I never connected to the baby) ... try as hard as you can now to connect with that baby - easier said than done. Here's the thing. I'm not trying to come down on you, at all. You and I seem to experience pregnancy similarly - so I'm warning you of what *might* come in early motherhood. Take it with a grain of salt. But don't beat yourself up if you face difficult issues in motherhood after being an infertility survivor!

    Congrats your seriously miracle pregnancy.

    Best wishes,