The V.iew on Surragcy

This past Friday, the theme for The V.iew was all about surrogacy. I immediately needed to watch to see how they would present the issue as in the past I have not been too pleased with their infertility coverage. Gui.liana Ra.ncic co-hosted and in my opinion did a really good job of putting a public personal face to what real women go through with infertilty. Whoo.pi Gol.dberg began the show by telling the audience that "surrogacy is the new trend in trying to start a baby". To me, the word trend is offensive. People that use surrogacy tonhelp build their families do so because they cannot do it Nother way. It is not the cool thing to do or the in thing, so the word trend was an inappropriate choice.

What I loved about Guil.iana was her openess. Not five minutes into the show she was asked point blanks, if she has considered adoption or surrogacy. Her response was great. She spoke about how it is natural for most people to want a biological baby and that until the Drs tell her thereis a medical reason that it won't work, they will keep trying. She also alluded to the fact that both adoption and surrogacy are not easy answers and are no guarentee. I thought she handled herself well.

Next was She.rri She.pard who when it comes to infertility rubs me the wrong way. For someone who conceived a son through IVF, she sure needs a refresher course on correct terminology. Apparently she is now debating having a second child and has looked into surrogacy, her response was that it is crazy expensive. Ok, it is, but it seems a bit insincere coming from a million dollar tv host.

Eliz.abeth Hass.elback was good. She went right to the hard question for Guil.iana of how infertility has affected her marriage. This brought light to the fact that IF sucks and is hard on a marriage and the people involved.

There were three different stories of surrogacy shared on the show. One from an AMA mother who used a surrogate, one from a family where the mother carried her daughter's triplets and one from the 'Twiblings' article from earlier this year. All three stories brought different perspectives. When I read the article, "Meet the Twiblings" I was immediately impressed and fascinated by the idea and the family that was created. I got a different vibe after seeing them. I must say that I have nothing but huge admiration and respect for the mother. Her vision of using donors and a GC to help create her family was thought out, carried forth with her vision and seems to work for them - it is POLAR OPPOSITE to my views. When A. and I first discussed using a donor, we immediately decided that we wanted an anonymous donor. True, we were not given any viable and heart felt offers, but either way we knew for us, we needed it to be this way. The egg is one part of the equation. It's a big part - the genetics part and it took me a long time to grieve that loss, but once I finally did I knew this was what was right for us. We felt similar about approaching a GC. I wanted to be a part of every detail of her pregnancy, but once MY child was born, it's a see you later kind of situation. Again, you know that I struggled with feelings relating to needing both an egg donor and GC at 31,but you also know that once I was on the path, I didn't look back.

The "Twiblings" are different. They have made their donor and GCs a part of the family. What an incrediblle gift for their children! The carriers are the aunts and the donor is loving referred to as the Fairy God Donor. Love this. I wish I was confident and secure enough to allow this wonderful people I to my life after, but I am not. I don't want the reminder. I want to put that part behind me.

No matter how you would raise your family and the different choices we make, it was a really good representation of the different situations that surrogacy can take. I recommend anyone that is thinking about, using or have used third party assistance to watch the show.

*I know I haven't talked about it much or at all lately, but our plan remains the same as before. The DE embryos waiting for us are our children and we will be using them with me or a GC when the time is right.

-R.