The last few days have been stressful to say the least when it comes to the GC. We were having miscommunication problems and although I take some responsibility, I actually do not know when it started or what triggered it. I was getting snippy text messages and emails and was feeling rather overwhelmed by it all. I was feeling taken advantage of. But today was the straw that broke this camels back.
The GC went ahead and ordered her medications through her pharmacy even though I had said that I can get them at cost (the perks of having a drug dealer mom) and would FEDEX them to her. Ugh. Now I am out even more money as I had to pay to retail. It seemed a bit weird to me how quickly she organized the medications and picked them up as if she was double dipping (getting reimbursed from me and also submitting an insurance claim). In Canada, most of the FET prep medications are covered as they are double duty meds, also used for menopause so it is entirely possible that they were covered for her.
Ok, I was pissed off, but decided to let it slide because really, there was nothing else I could do. We were then making arrangements to go to Denver and she wanted me to pay for her husband to come along so they could have a mini-vacation. Um no f'ing way. It was my understanding that if I am going and am the one taking care of her, that there is no reason for me to have to pay for her husband. AL and I discussed this and she said that was in no way fair of her to ask of me. For the record, I have no problem with the husband coming too, I just don't want to pay for it.
Literally thirty minutes after she learned that I would not pay for her husband to go, I get a text message saying that the pharmacy misquoted her and that she owes more money and they didn't fill the prescription correctly. Let me get this straight - they gave you less pills and asked for more money? I find that highly coincidental.
I have gone over and above to try and be a good intended parent. I bought her a Christmas present, invited her and her husband to stay at my house before going to Denver for the ODWU, but enough is enough. This was rubbing me the wrong way.
I was stressed and I know that's not good for me and I want to feel like that. This is supposed to be a good time, a happy time and it wasn't. It was awful actually. I needed to separate my fears about my pregnancy from her. Rationally I realize that cancelling her will not cause a miscarriage, but in my heart it is all I am thinking about.
I will say that A. is 100% supportive of this decision and so am I. For the first time in a long time, I am feeling like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I can breathe again. AL was amazing. She totally understood and supported me through this decision.
In the end it came down to my gut, and it was telling me to let go. I don't regret this.
-R.
Sorry about all the stress, but it sounds like this was the right thing to do. If she was acting like this now, imagine having to second guess her all the way through a pregnancy...
ReplyDeleteFor now, relax, focus on *your* pregnancy, and rest safe in the knowledge that GC will always be an option for another, better, time.
I very much agree with anonymous that GC will always be there as an option. I can totally understand the feeling that this will 'jinx' your own pregnancy, but, of course, as you already rationally know, it has nothing to do with it. This sounds very much like you've made the right decision. I know you'd been struggling with whether to go forward with the GC for a while. Maybe think of it as a positive: all of these things just pointed you to a definitive decision. Take care. Thinking about you and hoping for all the best for your pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteR...wow...I really think she was screwing you over too. You know...everything happens for a reason. Sounds as though things were beginning to sour even before the transfer was done...THANK GOD you pulled the plug. But I am sorry R...as I know that you have envisioned raising two babies this year and for that I am sorry for your loss...loss of what might have been. But yeah...I bet this feels like an ENORMOUS weight off your shoulders. Sit back, relax and let the good times roll!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for all the stress you've been under but glad to hear the relief in your words now that the decision is made. Hugs to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I think your decision is the right one, in a lot of different ways. Your number one priority right now needs to be your own pregnancy: enjoying it and keeping your stress levels down. Even before these issues with the GC in today's post, it wasn't clear to me that you could do those two things for yourself at the same time as going through a FET with the GC.
ReplyDeleteAlso, your frozen embryos are waiting for you in Denver, and there will always be a qualified GC, whenever the time is right for you to pursue that option.
r,
ReplyDeletei can feel the weight come off your shoulders just reading your post! like the others wrote, it isn't like she is the sole representative or option for gc. you have to go with your feelings, and if you had a bad feeling, good for you for following it- it is very freeing and empowering to allow yourself to make decisions that you feel are going to help you! whatever you can do to lower the stress levels, and i am glad that your husband is on the same page as you in this regard. letting go of her has nothing to do with your own pregnancy... cut that thought right in the bud! if anything, the stress of the situation was no good for you, so you have made an improvement, and that can only be a good thing in the end. thinking of you each day, one day at a time.
soulshine
ugh. so sorry you're going through this. glad you've come to a decision and are able to trust your gut on this one. major danger signals already - not a good sign of what might have been to come. thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteMo
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm sure it was hard but it sounds like you made the right decision.
ReplyDeleteugh, I think going with your gut and not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of is the right choice. Th other posters are right, if you decide to pursue GC, that option is always there for you (even though I do realize that it is not so easy to find a carrier). thinking of you and your little guy in growing in there...
ReplyDeleteI got to the end of your post and felt a huge wave of relief. You waited until the decision was clear and then you took it. I think that's amazing, R. I regret that you had to go through all the stress to get to your decision, but at the same time, I am glad that all lined up in such a way to make it clear to you what was your next step.
ReplyDeleteI think you are so strong and brave... have I told you that lately? :) I think the fact that you feel the relief from the decision speaks volumes that this is the right decision for you. The last thing you need right now is stress. Now go put your feet up and relax! (I know, it's easy for me to say!) Hugs to you, R.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this, I feel that you made the right decision. Sounds as if she was starting to take advantage of you...if she's acting this way now, imagine 9 months of it. I'm sorry things didn't go as you had planned:( I'm sure that everything will work out just perfectly in the end...you have been blessed beyond imagination, so sit back, relax, and take care of that baby! :)
ReplyDeleteFrom the other end of end of things I really think she was trying to take advantage of you. I nearly went through DE cycle as a donor and my IM and I open relationship and we were honest with one another. My IP’s even switched clinics from Vancouver to Victoria as I got bad vibes from the one in Vancouver. And we're glad we did. We didn't proceed as my test results were iffy as to whether or not I'd be a good responder to the drugs. It wasn't a chance that I wanted to money wise to pay $6000-$7000 for drugs and not be a good responder of have the cycle cancelled. The RE even told me based on my results (AFC 3, FSH 9.9 and 11) I could face fertility issues myself in a few years and if I wanted another baby sooner is better than later. I also remember her offering to pay for my car on the ferry which is $120 round trip from Victoria to Vancouver so I could drive myself to the clinic and I declined as I felt I'd be taking advantage of her as I was headed to Vancouver for a personal visit and just threw in an appointment as I happened to be going there. I hope you can rest easy with this decision.
ReplyDeleteGosh, I am shocked at all of this and how she thought she could take advantage of you. I am not sure how she even got the meds if you didn't authorize them for her. Honestly, why should you be responsible for that? Sorry it didn't work out and hopefully now you can relax a bit.
ReplyDeleteT
Wow, R, I applaud you. This must have been a tough decision to make, as I imagine some part of you wanted to "hedge your bets," as it were. I'm really proud of you for following your gut. xoxo
ReplyDeleteA hard decision, but it totally sounds like the right one. Very strange behavior by her, red flags to be sure. I hope the weight off our shoulders just confirms to you that you made the right choice. The guts doesn't lie!
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry for all the stress and frustration, but I think you've made a good choice. From the stunt she pulled, sounds like the writing was on the wall. Plus, you always know the option is there down the road should you want to pursue GC again in the future.
ReplyDeleteSounds like definitely the right decision. And feeling like a weight is off your shoulders means it was the right one for you. *hugs*
ReplyDeletewow, what a jerk she sounds like! im so glad you nipped it in the bud because as you know, once pregnancy hormones kicked in she would have been impossible to deal with!
ReplyDeletexoxo
lis
i'm so sorry that you've had to go through such a difficult process...but it certainly sounds like the universe was sending you some signals to help you make the decision. i wish you all the very best & now you can focus on your pregnancy without having to worry about her pregnancy too. big hugs to you. xox
ReplyDeleteyou sound like you made the right decision to me. now it's time to look after yourself. those embryos will be there when the time is right.
ReplyDeleteeverything crossed for you as ever x
i'm glad you made a decision you were comfortable with. it's amazing what we put our bodies through when making important decisions like yours. no more decisions, no more stress...it's you, DH, and that little baby with arm and leg buds now.....take care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteIt really sucks that she thought she could take advantage of you like that. Anyone who would prey on the weaknesses of an infertile couple for her own advantage doesn't even deserve the time of day. Hopefully, if you do ever need her in the future, you can work things out in such a way that she will know this behavior is not acceptable. In the meantime, concentrate on your own wonderful pregnancy and lower your stress levels by not worrying about her!
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you were able to make a decision you were comfortable with. I have left a blog award for you over at my blog x
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you. Not only were you able to listen to your heart, but hear it and take the appropriate steps to respond. Trusting your gut takes some people a lifetime to get into tune with correctly.
ReplyDeleteThis choice is unrelated to your pregnancy but I bet it felt scary anyhow. You canceled her for the right reasons - you may have felt some regret had you canceled when you were not so sure.
Great job R. Your Momma skills are finely honed.