This was a good week for me emotionally. I think the acupuncture and hypnosis are really helping. No, they haven't lowered my blood pressure or heartbeat, but I feel a tiny bit calmer. When I go for an ultrasound, I am pretty confident that IT will still be there. Thankfully, all continues to go well.
Yesterday, I had an appointment with the RE. I needed a scan to ensure that everything was good and growing before taking the enormous and terrifying leap of going to the OB. I didn't sleep well last night. There were so many thoughts floating in my head that at 4am, I decided to head to the coach and watch PVR TV until it was time to go. I needed something brainless to do - to keep busy. A. and I drove together, but didn't talk much about the upcoming appointment. I was freaked about, but not sure about what or why. Just anxious. When we got to the hospital there was a mix-up with our appointment time and we had to wait longer than expected. Not good to leave an already overly anxious woman to wait, but I managed to get through it.
The waiting area was bizarre. I felt totally out of place. I was surrounded by enormous pregnant bellies and I just wanted out of there. I didn't (and still don't) feel like one of them. I felt like a wannabee or impostor. I made A. sit in the corner with me far away from the other patients. He thought I was crazy, but I didn't care. We got called in for the ultrasound first. It was so nice to have A. with me for the entire scan. It was also so nice to avoid the transvaginal scan. I did find it oddly strange to have a male ultrasonographer. In all my years of TTC, the only male staff I have encountered have been drs. The one thing I realized that is different from a female to a male scanner was the attention to detail. The females make sure you are are covered and that the cold goo won't get on your clothes. The male, squeeze the shit all over the place and soaked me for the remainder of the day.
The ultrasound went well. He took his time to explain what we were seeing and we even had a chance to watch IT move around. So cool. The ultrasound dated us a day ahead of where we thought so we are officially 10w4d. Weird.
We had some wait time between the scan and the doctor so we met my mom for lunch in the hospital cafeteria (same hospital as her job). It was a good distraction and we were able to check out the different food options for future knowledge. Holy they have some awesome choices - brown rice sushi, pizza, grill, sandwiches and terriyaki. Not the highlight of the day, but up there. LOL.
We then met with the nurse practitioner (NP) and she took my very long and sorted history. At this point the emotion and realization of where I was and why was too much. I broke down in the office. I have never been to an OB before. To be honest, I never thought I would be there for myself. It was an awkward, terrifying and overwhelming experience. She was great and took her time explaining to me and calming me down.
Then the dr came in. He is so cute. He is the type of dr that will be late to see you because he is spending time with his patients. He encouraged me to come to every appointment with a list of questions and that he would answer every single one of them. WOW. He seemed to have good bedside manner and was even quite funny. He is an MFM and also extremely cautious. He was a bit concerned about my reflux issues and white coat syndrome high blood pressure so he is recommending I see an additional dr in the practice to get a consult. Other than that, he said things look good.
He said that after 9 weeks and seeing a heartbeat the miscarriage rate goes down to 1.5% so that was really reassuring. However, I have now moved on to a new anxiety. Will IT be normal? My reasons for this fear are simple. I have never made blasts before. I have never had good embryos. I have never had good eggs. This scares the shit out of me. Hopefully our NT scan and blood work will prove my fear unfounded.
The one surprising thing happened when I mentioned my headaches. I am prone to migraines and headaches and over the past week, they have been out of control. I really wanted a prescription for codeine as Tyle.nol does nothing. Instead I got dr.'s orders to drink one Star.bucks coffee a day. Seriously? I almost fell off my chair. I haven't had coffee in two years. I had my first one tonight and oh how I have missed it.
After the dr visit, the NP gave me a pap (ouch) and took my blood pressure (142/84). Luckily I warned her in advance that it would be high so she wasn't concerned. I will keep track of this issue very closely as I am petrified of high blood pressure related complications.
Overall it was a good appointment, not that I have anything to compare it to. Clinic was nice, NP was great and the dr was caring and smart. What else do you need?
Next step...NT on Thursday! I still don't believe this is actually happening.