A and I spent last night and this morning going back and forth between doing the amnio vs not. We decided today that we are not willing to risk a miscarriage and therefore not going to do the amnio. This decision is not an easy one as there are ramifications that will last forever, but for us it is the lesser of two evils.
We spoke with the genetics dr at the lab where the results came from and she said that she would trust the NT results from the OB's office over the RE. Again, my OB is part of a MFM clinic (Sunnybrook) which is one of the best in Canada so I feel extremely comfortable in trusting their technology, technicians and drs. She also reiterated the point that a 1:55 is still a 98% chance that nothing is wrong and that even with a 1:2500, there is always the chance that you are the 1. I think if we had learned this result a few weeks ago (like 5-7) our feelings towards doing the amnio would be different. The thought of labouring a miscarriage (healthy or not) or having a therapeutic abortion (as they call it in the medical world) are two options that A. and I can not handle - especially since it will be a viable fetus by that point. That pretty much sealed the deal for us.
I am still really freaked out, stressed, nervous and angry...but have that same sense of calm I get once I know my plan. A. has all the faith and confidence in the world that everything will be ok and I am hoping he is right. I can't deal with his overly flowerly rainbows and positivity right now, and thankfully he gets that. I told him that all the positive progress I had made over the weekend is now gone and probably won't return. I am ok with that. Everything was going smoothly when I was living in pregnancy denial and not attaching myself so I am going back to that place.
I am sure that over the next four months, I will have moments (many many moments) where I second guess this decision and probably vent about it here, but right now I am comfortable with the choice I made. I just can't take the risk of a miscarriage - especially when the odds are in my favour that everything will be ok. Do we want a child with Down Syndrome or any other special needs? No, of course not, but we will love her and take care of her and be the best parents we can be if that is the next hurdle that life throws our way. At this point, we are out of time and out of options. I will not terminate a viable pregnancy and will not put myself at increased risk for a miscarriage. Little Miss IT is too precious and as her mommy it is my job to protect her.
Thank you for sharing your personal stories, thoughts, prayers and opinions with me. The different perspectives definitely helped make this decision. It was not easy and I truly believe that there is no right or wrong here, it is just what is right for us right now.