Sunday, April 3, 2011

Let's Talk About...

S-E-X! (This is going to be a TMI kind of post so consider yourself forewarned)

I have been petrified to have sex or anything close to that since I found out I was pregnant. Seriously, the last time we did the deed was back on Christmas Day. A. being a typical male wanted to for some time, but totally understood my reasons for being scared shitless of the idea so we abstained. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy sex and have thought about it..a lot, but my fears have taken over. When I went to the OB this week I asked about it and he said it was last night, ahem (awkward pause) we finally did it.

I have heard that sex while pregnant feels different (for the better), but honestly, it didn't. It wasn't bad or anything, but I was just so nervous of pain or hurting IT or causing some sort of damage that I really couldn't get into it. Is this normal? It also started to get uncomfortable with my ever growing belly to find positions that worked.

So I ask, please tell me a)that you agree with the OB that sex is safe and b)how to do it so I am more comfortable.


In response to my last post, I'm guessing my views on sex clearly add to my loony status, but whatever. To those who inquired about my OB, I really like him. I don't think my thoughts about him came across to well. I though it was awesome that he knew that I would be anxious about the anatomy scan and therefore booked his follow-up for immediately after. He is an MFM and spends a lot of time with each of his patients answering all their questions, I just think he doesn't give in to unfounded worry (as in checking the cervix). Also in Canada, we don't just get tests and ultrasounds because we ask as we are a publicly funded healthcare system.


  1. I remember I was nervous of sex when pregnant, but the hormones sent my libido through the roof, so I couldn't resist the deed. We did it a *lot* and no harm was done!

    Once my belly got too big, we learned how to do it while spooning--this is something we'd never been able to do before, but once 'needs must' we figured it out.

  2. Ummm...S-E-WHAAT? That is a foreign activity in this household. We abstained for most of the first trimester except maybe once...then tried again in the 2nd tri and it felt like my virginity being taken all over again...and then we tried again just a few weeks ago...well it lasted about 10 seconds because of major pain. Uhm...yeah...figure I am now 1/3 of the size I used to be. So No more for me...and it sucks for A I am certain but it is unbearably painful for me. Also hormones have killed my gone. So you're not the only one! Signed...Sexless in Saskatchewan.

  3. Cough...TMI...I agree that w/o cervix issues,etc., it should be safe in the 2nd tri... if I--nervous Nellie--did it, it must be. And I 2nd the spooning position...Well, at least that orientation. That's what we did.

  4. Um, yeah. What Lisa said. I know that it is totally safe, and I wish we had done it more during the second tri, but DH was too freaked out. He was worried about hurting anything. And now he just thinks it's weird, like there are 3 of us there. So we have done it once since August. Yes, that's right - once!

    But again, if you are up for it and so is DH, by all means go for it!!!! It will absolutely do no harm. But if you just can't enjoy it for whatever reason, I would say don't worry about it - you certainly won't be alone.

  5. So, I'm at 15 weeks and we've been doing it at least once a week (sometimes twice, pretty much weekends only). I'm mostly with you. It doesn't really feel all that different yet. Although, um, how to put this.....I've been faster each time. But maybe that's because of the 7 day long lull in between? We've actually done pretty much all positions so far. I suspect missionary is going to get difficult at some point, but not yet. Nothing really hurts. There is sometimes a little too much pressure in some positions but I just readjust until there isn't. Somehow, despite the tenuousness we've felt about this pregnancy in all other aspects, neither of us has ever really felt like sex was going to hurt this pregnancy. I hope you can enjoy! But if not, that's probably ok too. Remind your husband that this pregnancy won't go on forever :-)

  6. Love this post. I am 18 weeks and my husband and I have had sex a pathetic number of times since we got pregnant... like, six. At first, my cervix was too irritable from the progesterone suppositories, then we were both too nervous, and now, finally, we are both on the same page. Of course, we had missionary sex this weekend and it was a little uncomfortable at times, but over all fine.... and ever since I have been nervous that we hurt the baby. Sex does not feel different or better to me, I just have no sex drive.

    Oh, to answer your actual questions: a) yes I think your OB was right and b) spooning position sounds good.

  7. I know I would (will?) be the same as you - terrified! I guess we just have to trust that the gazillions of people who have gone before us have proved that it is totally safe! :-)

  8. Sex - we've done it like 3 times since we discovered I was pregnant back in October. I have pretty much no sex drive AT ALL.

    But, there are other ways of doing things. Mostly for him, but occasionally for me too. And that's all I'm going to say about THAT :)

    We've got publicly funded healthcare too in the UK, but due to my extreme levels of anxiety, I've had a ridiculously large number of scans and monitoring sessions. Not 'just for the asking', I guess, but when I phone up in tears (or even just sounding worried) they tell me to come in. And they have never once implied they are sick of me. I love my hospital.

  9. We had a pretty pathetic sex life while I was pregnant. It was super uncomfortable, mentally and physically. What worked for us was lube (which we never needed before) and a pillow or two under my tush.... Have fun!

  10. I thank you for this post and thank all of the women who commented. It's so scary to think that sex might hurt the embryo or fetus. I keep thinking though that people have been having sex throughout pregnancy for millenia. It's probably safe!

  11. As I recall, I rarely needed sex as my body had it mentally in my dreams. Va voom! Great orgasms, huh?