I think there is something wrong with me. I have literally spent the last four days with my sister and niece and I appear to be fine. Is it numbness? Is it denial? I don't know, but whatever it is please let it continue. I know my limits and what I can handle, but the surprising thing is that I just don't feel anything.
Today I went in a number of baby stores and didn't cry. WTF? I have never been able to do that. To my credit, I was on a mission to find her some preemie size clothes because she is so tiny, so not a lot of time to roam the stores, but still. No tears. A. told me yesterday that he is both proud of and impressed by me. This meant more to me than anything. It shows me that he is acknowledging my pain and recognizes how difficult this situation is. I am not denying that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I am doing it.
I'm not strong. I am putting one foot in front of the other and doing what needs to be done. At the end of the day, my sister was the one who took care of me when I had OHSS, held my hand and examined the clot in the toilet, rubbed my back when the physical pain of the m/c was too much and loved me when the emotional breakdowns occurred. I owe her this. I want to be there for her as she has always been there for me.
Things with the GC are continuing to move forward. We have begun the legal process, however I waiting to get 100% CCRM approval before I submit the retainer.
I am in full on wedding planning mode too for my brother's wedding. It has been a much needed baby/IF vacation and I couldn't be happier about that. When I am not with my sis, I spend my days on the phone inquiring about bands, venues and wedding dates. I am in heaven.
To those that celebrate, I wish you a Merry Christmas. May this be the year that brings you closer to your dreams.