I think there is something wrong with me. I have literally spent the last four days with my sister and niece and I appear to be fine. Is it numbness? Is it denial? I don't know, but whatever it is please let it continue. I know my limits and what I can handle, but the surprising thing is that I just don't feel anything.
Today I went in a number of baby stores and didn't cry. WTF? I have never been able to do that. To my credit, I was on a mission to find her some preemie size clothes because she is so tiny, so not a lot of time to roam the stores, but still. No tears. A. told me yesterday that he is both proud of and impressed by me. This meant more to me than anything. It shows me that he is acknowledging my pain and recognizes how difficult this situation is. I am not denying that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I am doing it.
I'm not strong. I am putting one foot in front of the other and doing what needs to be done. At the end of the day, my sister was the one who took care of me when I had OHSS, held my hand and examined the clot in the toilet, rubbed my back when the physical pain of the m/c was too much and loved me when the emotional breakdowns occurred. I owe her this. I want to be there for her as she has always been there for me.
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Things with the GC are continuing to move forward. We have begun the legal process, however I waiting to get 100% CCRM approval before I submit the retainer.
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I am in full on wedding planning mode too for my brother's wedding. It has been a much needed baby/IF vacation and I couldn't be happier about that. When I am not with my sis, I spend my days on the phone inquiring about bands, venues and wedding dates. I am in heaven.
To those that celebrate, I wish you a Merry Christmas. May this be the year that brings you closer to your dreams.
-R.
I am so glad to read that you are continuing to be so strong and living for the moment. It sounds as though you have such a strong relationship with your sister. Wonderful...and I love planning weddings too!! So jealous!! Enjoy. And glad things are moving along with the GC. Take care...
ReplyDeleteGlad you are doing well. Your husband's support and understanding are helping you out for sure. Things are still coming along for you, although not how you planned and taking longer than you expected. But, you have goals and that is what helps.
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I know you don't seem to see it in yourself but you have to be one of the stongest people I 'know'! You just amaze me everytime I read an update.... Have fun with the wedding planning, I'm sure it's great to have a non-IF outlet - especially right now. Sending many hugs your way!!
ReplyDeleteI disagree. I think that you are incredibly strong and you don't give yourself enough credit.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
You are in my thoughts R. You are strong. I know that is hard to hear, and I so wish you didn't have to be strong. I wish none of us had to endure this. But you are. And you are doing it with strength and grace. Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeletei know i don't know you, but i read...and you're amazing and strong. never forget that. you wake up and get dressed each day...that itself takes strength. and you do MORE than that each and every day. merry christmas to you and your husband. i pray 2011 is a better year for all of us. xoxo, jennifer
ReplyDeleteYou are a very strong woman which I know you are tired of hearing... :) sending you hugs.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great update R! We love to hear you sitting so pretty.
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