Saturday, December 25, 2010

Things I Heard At My Sister's House

"Who does she look like?"

"I think I see you in her eyes".

"She has your mom's nose".

"Let's compare your baby photo to her".

"She has grandma's chin".

These are the comments that will never be said about me and my baby. I know genetics is not everything, but it is still really sad.



  1. Don't be sad. You won't even think of it. Hugs.

  2. I totally get this. Genetics is by far not the only thing or the most important thing, but it is a loss and it makes sense that you need to be sad about this for a while. I think there is so much that fertiles can take for granted.
    I know this for sure, you are going to be such an amazing mother.
    thinking of you....

  3. No one can blame you for baldness later in life either. Sorry this hurts as it is totally understandable. However, it is personality that is even more important and one day someone will say, "Wow that child is so well-behaved and sweet. Must have a great mother."


  4. Stab-me-through-the-heart...I know. I am sooo dreading this...big hugs.

  5. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Those are things that hurt a lot. It will never be said about me and my future child either and it hurts. I just hope that it won't hurt as much when it is said while we are holding our wee ones in our arms.

  6. For what it's worth, they may not say all of those things, but there is a really good chance that, if they know the history, they will say, "Wow, I can't believe how much he/she looks like you!" and if they don't know the history, they will say, "You can so tell you're mother and son/daughter! He/she has your eyes/nose/smile/insert body part!"

    I know this because I am not genetically related to my stepchild, but I hear these comments all the time - I know for a fact that it is not luck that we "look alike", but instead it is because from the age of one when my husband and I started dating, my stepchild has grown into me and has developed my mannerisms, facial expressions, and ways of speaking, so we resemble one another. I am sure your child will look like you, R, because you are their mommy. XOXOXO (Hugs)

  7. It IS sad and I'm sorry for that loss. I feel it too. Yes we know genetics certainly aren't everything but hearing those comments still hurts. Hugs to you.

  8. Ouch, R. That is really rough. Hugs to you.

  9. Sad but true....then the others who do not know about egg donation will say "wow she looks just like you!!" as my dear friend continually hears about her daughter who came to her through egg donation and gestational surrogacy...Genetics are not everything but it is still normal to feel a prick at your heart when those comments are made :( so very sorry

  10. I am so sorry R. Trying to come to terms with those same feelings here. As I said before, You are one strong lady. You are going to be an amazing mother who is able to give her child so much more than genetics. Hugs to you my friend.

  11. that must be so hard to hear :(

    i hope that maddy is right x

  12. I am just getting caught up with your blog after returning from the holidays away. I'm so sorry to read this - and I totally know how you feel. I can imagine how much that must have stung.

  13. Toddlerina is the spitting image of her dad. People try to tell me " oh she looks more and more like you". I don't believe it. She looks like him. I get it and that is ok.

    People have this weird thing trying to convince me she looks like me. I figure it is just good preparation for the DE baby. Maybe it will soften the blow.