Tonight was the final class for my course. The facilitator had us write a letter to ourselves that she will mail to us in January 2012. I didn't know what to write. Should I write that I hope to finally be a mom? Um no, because if the letter arrives and I am still no closer to motherhood I will fall apart. I just stared at the paper and watched as the other class members began writing away as if they had no cares in the world. Oh, how I wish I had no cares.
What would you write to yourself today, that you will read in a year?
-R.
That's a very interesting question. I did something similar for myself when I first gradudated college. One of those "rah, rah, I bet life is great and you've done some wonderful things for yourself since graduation". But that feels so long ago, and I'm not sure where I'd see myself in one year based on my life now.
ReplyDeleteI suppose regardless of fertility news, I will tell myself to be grateful to be alive, to be there, reading that note a year later. To be happy with the small family that I DO have. And to just learn to enjoy the moments, because the good ones are sometimes so few and far between.
And that I hope I lost that 20lbs I've been kicking around forever!!
Tough assignment. Write about that you hope life won't feel as difficult...take care.
ReplyDeleteUgh. You could discuss your fears in your letter to yourself? Sometimes getting it all out helps to relieve your ind of the worry, if only for a short period.
ReplyDeleteI think I would write about my fears. If I had that much time....
its funny bc they did the same kind of thing on the biggest loser last night (a boot camp type weight loss show if you don't have it)
ReplyDeletewhen they were fat, they recorded messages to themselves that they got to see now that they are in shape.
i thought of you as they were saying to themselves, you don't want to be back here, in this body. you don't want the worry, the weight and i cried because it so easily could have been one of us saying that to our future selves. so on that note i can only hope that in a year's time you will have found more happiness than you can imagine, andthat you are able to reflect back on this rough time, shake your head and tell yourself oh, no, im never going back there.
hugs my friend
xoxo
lis
I think I would write something about hopefully finding some sort of peace and resolution. I feel as though my life has been turbulent for over two years, and I'm reaching the point where I'm just over it all. Our situations are different, but I hope you and I can both find calm waters.
ReplyDeleteI did something like this in connection with a mind/body fertility course and we did the exercise after we did a visualization about meeting ourselves back when we were kids. I felt a lot of sadness with that exercise because I remember how young and innocent I used to be as a child and how misunderstood I felt most of the time. In any event, when I wrote the letter to myself, I wrote it about taking care of that little girl (me) that I had met in my visualization and how I wanted to fiercely protect her from the world. I reminded myself about how I needed to treat myself as well as I treated others and that I needed to be my own best friend. When I got down and really started beating myself up for what I felt was "failing", I told myself to be my own best friend and as such, I wouldn't allow myself to say those things. If your best friend started saying things like "I feel like a failure", you would jump in and defend her and tell her a million reasons why she wasn't. I told myself in my letter that I needed to be that friend to myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm not so good at that contemplative stuff, so I'm not sure what I would write. Did you come up with anything yet? Of course, you could mention all the things that you have to be grateful for, like your supportive husband, family and network of friends!
ReplyDelete