One woman's winding journey through infertility, egg donation, a possible pregnancy with a gestational carrier and finally a spontaneous pregnancy!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
The Look
Tonight A. and I went to an engagement party. We met a lady that grew up with A.'s dad. She asked us if we had kids, we replied no. She then asked us how long we were married, we said 6 six. Then she gave us the look.
Such people are idiots- you should feel sorry for them because being an insensitive, callous person is indeed something to be pitied, and move on.
I'm considering gestational surrogacy as well, though this plan would kick in only after unexplained loss # 3 (I'm at 2 now). I'd do this in India (which is where I'm from) if things got to that point.
Its not an easy process, and I'm sorry you are at this point :(
you know what? the next person that says anything to me about kids is going to get it. i know that they might only be asking and not thinking..but i'm going to let them know that they should think before they speak.
it makes me burn up inside. why should we feel uncomfortable when we know where their questions are going? how would they feel if we replied with "you're looking pretty fat - don't you exercise? do you eat too much?" or "those bags under your eyes are pretty big - you can't do anything about that, huh?" ...i feel that it's the same principle.
Ah...my favorite people...the fertiles. I hate that comment and look too...the usual response is "well enjoy your time when you do have kids because let me tell you they turn everything upside down". Thanks. That. Really. F'ing. Made. Me. Feel. Better.
I'm sorry R. And how does she know you even want kids anyway? That's another assumption people always make. There's really no good way to handle that conversation, is there?
I sure hope you gave the LOOK right back... the one that sends daggers silently? I am so sorry. Been there- I dread a few annual parties for that very reason. We only see these people once a year, and I can only imagine what they are thinking when they see us year after year- just the two of us.
I can imagine that in real life, you have great social graces, but I invite you to fantasize about the look on her face if you had told her the kind of hell you have been through in that department. I can already hear your impeccably delivered grocery list of treatments and failures, and her face falling a little more with each item. Stick that into your effing judgmental pipe, lady, and smoke it.
Oh jeez, the look. We get them all the time. It's ridiculous! Sometimes it's fun to blow their mind with the whole "I can't have kids" comment because naturally that thought has never occurred to them. But then sometimes I'm just sick of educating people on how to be sensitive. Urf.
Eff her. That is all.
ReplyDeleteYou should have given her a look back. What a pain.
ReplyDeleteT
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSuch people are idiots- you should feel sorry for them because being an insensitive, callous person is indeed something to be pitied, and move on.
ReplyDeleteI'm considering gestational surrogacy as well, though this plan would kick in only after unexplained loss # 3 (I'm at 2 now). I'd do this in India (which is where I'm from) if things got to that point.
Its not an easy process, and I'm sorry you are at this point :(
you know what? the next person that says anything to me about kids is going to get it. i know that they might only be asking and not thinking..but i'm going to let them know that they should think before they speak.
ReplyDeleteit makes me burn up inside. why should we feel uncomfortable when we know where their questions are going? how would they feel if we replied with "you're looking pretty fat - don't you exercise? do you eat too much?" or "those bags under your eyes are pretty big - you can't do anything about that, huh?" ...i feel that it's the same principle.
grrr...that cow.
Ah...my favorite people...the fertiles. I hate that comment and look too...the usual response is "well enjoy your time when you do have kids because let me tell you they turn everything upside down". Thanks. That. Really. F'ing. Made. Me. Feel. Better.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Pumpkin...eff her. I've had that happen and, if I've been feeling particularly bitchy, have called her on it.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry R. And how does she know you even want kids anyway? That's another assumption people always make. There's really no good way to handle that conversation, is there?
ReplyDeleteI sure hope you gave the LOOK right back... the one that sends daggers silently? I am so sorry. Been there- I dread a few annual parties for that very reason. We only see these people once a year, and I can only imagine what they are thinking when they see us year after year- just the two of us.
ReplyDeleteHugs to you, my friend!
I can imagine that in real life, you have great social graces, but I invite you to fantasize about the look on her face if you had told her the kind of hell you have been through in that department. I can already hear your impeccably delivered grocery list of treatments and failures, and her face falling a little more with each item. Stick that into your effing judgmental pipe, lady, and smoke it.
ReplyDeleteOh jeez, the look. We get them all the time. It's ridiculous!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's fun to blow their mind with the whole "I can't have kids" comment because naturally that thought has never occurred to them. But then sometimes I'm just sick of educating people on how to be sensitive.
Urf.
Steam.
ReplyDeletei just had my 9th anniversary on wednesday and i've already gotten the look this week :( hugs!
ReplyDelete