Things have been unpredictable. Aside from my niece, my brother got engaged as well! It has been a really exciting time for my family. This is definitely one of those times where I find myself saying, "happy for them, sad for me". I feel like everyone else's lives are just moving forward to these amazing places, and I am stuck in the depths of hell.
SJ told me yesterday that I am depressed. What else is new? Wouldn't you be, if you were me? I am numb. I am ok to be around my sister right now. I don't even cry anymore...numb. I will admit that today when her pregnant friend arrived, I had to leave, but other than that, I am doing ok, I think.
I am probably in for a big shock when this really starts to sink in. Changes are coming. My relationship with my sister is going to change. Right now, things are so new and I am not really processing what is going on around me. I am just surviving day to day as best I can. I am not happy.
Focusing on things that are because of the baby, but not for the baby help me. I have been cooking up a storm for my sister. It is something I can do, that shows I care, but I don't need to be there. I wish I was able to do more. I would love to be very hands on, but I just can't right now. Maybe in time, but not now. She understands. It's just really sad. I'm just really sad.
I hope in time things will get easier.
-R.
I am sorry this is such a hard time for you. You're doing what your able to, and the fact that your are is amazing. Cooking for her is one of the BEST things you can do and I am sure she is very greatful. Merry Christmas.
ReplyDeleteTry not to beat yourself up. You are doing a tremendous job by being creative and showing that you care by cooking. You and I have known each other for a while now and I am soo concerned for you. I am glad you realize that you are depressed. I hope that you will get well soon. Here by your side as always. Big hugs...
ReplyDeleteAmazing that you are able to keep your heart open in such a difficult time, and care for your sister by making food for her. You have a huge heart, R. Hang in there. Life cannot continue to always be this hard for anyone.
ReplyDeletesweetie, you are doing the very best you can. I think we have all had relationships change when babies are born. It is one of the more unfair parts of IF. Hang in there. Know we are hear for you and I am sending you lots of love....
ReplyDeleteSo glad she understands. I am hoping things get better for you real soon.
ReplyDeleteT
Oh, R., I'm so sorry this is so rough. When siblings have babies while we're wanting and struggling to have out own...it's really hard. Over Thanksgiving, my brother asked me, as he has before, whether it's hard for be to be around my nephew. And for the first time, I told him that yes, it was. My brother replied that, even though it's hard, they'd love me to be more involved. I said, uh-huh, I hear you, but it's complicated. People who haven't been there, who got their babies shortly after they decided they wanted them, just don't get it. I think that doing what you can to help and show that you care on the periphery is a good plan. I've been working on embroidering my nephew a onesie...I pray for you that thing will get better and easier, and that you will soon be on your way to your baby. This is going to be our year.
ReplyDeleteI was the same when my SIL had hers. I could sort out presents and help organise other things, but couldn't face the maternity unit and certainly couldn't face BIL moaning about her leaking breasts! Maybe once things have calmed down and you don't need to be there, you could go off on a break for a few days and give yourself a reward for being such a good sister?
ReplyDeletekeep trodding along, rb-k. it really sucks, but you are doing just what needs to be done- making plans for your future, feeling your feelings (no matter how sad and depressed they feel), and talking about it.
ReplyDeletethings will settle down with the 'new baby' excitement soon. just having the birth be a part of the past now is a good thing- no more anxiety of anticipation. you really do have a big beautiful heart in the way you have interacted with it all- way more than would be expected, way more than i could ever muster.
although your parents and sister are your family, they are your family of origin- you have your own family now- you and your husband, and your great desire that exists for your own children, and the love you have for each other. i hope that can ease the pain of what is happening outside of you two now.
This is so hard (both my sister and SIL had babies (both their second) during our 2 years of TTC). It's great that you're doing what you can for your sister. I'm glad she understands. And I'm sure she's totally appreciative that you're doing what you can. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI'm so not looking forward to going through this. That being said, from the outside it seems that you're handling this amazingly. You're giving her what you can right now and that's all she can ask.
ReplyDeleteYou are full of giving while depressed, that is an amazing testament to your strength.
ReplyDeleteDepths of hell are not easy to escape. Yeah, I think I would be if I were you. My road kicked me over to Team Depression. Gotta tell you though, things are so much better now. I feel back to normal. I still have clarity on where I am but I have a handle on it all again. Hard to explain.