Things have been unpredictable. Aside from my niece, my brother got engaged as well! It has been a really exciting time for my family. This is definitely one of those times where I find myself saying, "happy for them, sad for me". I feel like everyone else's lives are just moving forward to these amazing places, and I am stuck in the depths of hell.
SJ told me yesterday that I am depressed. What else is new? Wouldn't you be, if you were me? I am numb. I am ok to be around my sister right now. I don't even cry anymore...numb. I will admit that today when her pregnant friend arrived, I had to leave, but other than that, I am doing ok, I think.
I am probably in for a big shock when this really starts to sink in. Changes are coming. My relationship with my sister is going to change. Right now, things are so new and I am not really processing what is going on around me. I am just surviving day to day as best I can. I am not happy.
Focusing on things that are because of the baby, but not for the baby help me. I have been cooking up a storm for my sister. It is something I can do, that shows I care, but I don't need to be there. I wish I was able to do more. I would love to be very hands on, but I just can't right now. Maybe in time, but not now. She understands. It's just really sad. I'm just really sad.
I hope in time things will get easier.