Losing It - UPDATE

Last night was incredibly difficult for me. It was probably our last family dinner without babies. My brother and his girlfriend are going away for two weeks so we went out to celebrate. My family (and sister included) is usually very sensitive, however last night destroyed me. The amount talk about pregnancy, delivery and aftermath was too overwhelming for me. I did the only things I knew how, I avoided the conversation and made some snappy remarks about useless shit to my sister. I don't think she was too happy with me last night, but I am not too happy with her either (I am still no where near ok with any of this).

I have been a basket case of emotions. Last night I cried so long and hard in the shower that I needed to take something to allow me to sleep. Shit. I am not strong. I am not coping. I am not ok.

I have been on pins and needles all day about the GC appointment. NN has been giving me small updates, but I don't expect to hear details until much later. So far, things are going well. NN had not received the letter from the MFM dr as of yet so I went to his office to go all postal. Well, the administrative assistant didn't show up for work today so of course the letter could not be faxed. I am ready to lose my mind. WTF is this shit happening? I just can't take anymore. Does he not realize how incredibly difficult it was for me to walk into an OB office? Seeing the pregnant women and their doting husbands while I am...not. I managed to keep it together long enough to see the actual dr myself, however he was unable (or unwilling) to look for the letter and fax it off. As long as she is there on Monday, it will get done.

Something has got to give. I really hope today's appointment goes well and it is the beginning of something positive. I honestly can't take anymore disappointment. It is too much for one person.

-R.

UPDATE: I just heard from NN. Everything looked good with the GC today. It will be two weeks until the blood work and personality tests come back, but that shouldn't be a problem. Since she just delivered in July, we can't start FET prep until after 6 months, so we are looking at a mid-Feb transfer. Ok, I can live with that.