Sunday, December 19, 2010

She's Here

I'm an aunt! My niece, was born today at 7:25am. She is small and precious and healthy. Thank you all for your support, it really helped knowing I am not alone. You were right, it hurts like hell and I am an emotional mess, but she is perfect and I am already in love. It was really difficult seeing the joy and pain in my parents eyes. I tried to keep it together as best I could, but at times it was just too much.

I won't lie, last night was difficult. I went from zero to sixty instantly and couldn't get back to my happy-zen place. But, I was there for my sister the entire time. We texted the entire way to the hospital (I distracted her from the pain with my humour) and I checked my phone a thousand times throughout the night looking for updates. At 5:30 this morning, we got the call that she was ready to start pushing and off I went.

I had planned to go alone so that I could prepare myself, but that too was not to be. My sister's SIL is my next door neighbour, friend and fellow IFer (who found success after multiple IVFs two years ago) and I drove together. As much as she claimed to understand, she can't. No one can.

I kept biting my tongue...hard to stop the tears from flowing (who are we kidding, rushing) down my face. Seeing the pure joy on everyone's face was difficult and yet amazing at the same time. I will say that at times, I felt pitied. People looked at me with those eyes. Those sad eyes. I look at myself with them.

Visiting hours only start in the late afternoon so after a quick peak and a mazel tov, we left the hospital. I have the next five hours to wrap my head around this. I think I can do it. This is by far the hardest part so far.



  1. Congrats, and big giant ((((((hugs)))))) too. You are right, no one can understand your unique mix of emotions with this birth. It sounds like you are handling it with grace and self-awareness and that's all anyone can ask of you.

  2. Ah congrats R....big big big hugs from me too. You have been preparing for this day for a long time and now that its here I hope it will get easier for you moving forward. I am so proud of you going to the hospital to be there for the birth. It could not have been easy but I am so glad that you were there for your sister and that your bond with her pulled through despite your pain and grief. Live life with no regrets and you certainly did that today. I hope your sister will understand your loss when you tell her about GC...more than you expect...and that she will be there for you too. So glad to hear the birth went well and that your beautiful niece is safe and sound in this world!

  3. This brings back alot of memories of when my niece was born. I was amazed and joyful and so sad all at the same time. I know you will have to give your love to lots of people today so please know that there is love being sent to you too.
    Hang in there and mazel tov...

  4. Sending you lots of love and strength. You're a wonderful sister, being at the hospital had to be incredibly difficult. Hugs.

  5. I love what Lisa said. Hugs to you.


  6. what a flurry of emotions. It sounds like you did beautifully through all that, remaining focuses on what your goals were (to be there for your sister and family).
    Take good care of yourself.

  7. Congratulations and huge hugs coming your way from here as well. You are so amazing for being there for your sister despite everything. I prefer to think of the looks in the hospital as hopes and dreams for you too instead of pity.... I know I'm filled with hopes and dreams that working with the GC will bring everything you deserve! Much love to you (and your new niece)!!

  8. Congratulations and hugs from me to you. You're an incredible sister, that's all I can say. : )

  9. Congratulations to you Aunt R. You are going to be an excellent Aunt. No one can appreciate a child like you.

    I wish I could have been secretly by your side to boost you through the whole process. You are a wonderful loving sister.

    Stay strong as you can. Pity is just misplaced love.

  10. It sounds like you've handled it really well, and you were brave going to the hospital. Remember it's ok to give yourself a break sometimes too!