I'm an aunt! My niece, was born today at 7:25am. She is small and precious and healthy. Thank you all for your support, it really helped knowing I am not alone. You were right, it hurts like hell and I am an emotional mess, but she is perfect and I am already in love. It was really difficult seeing the joy and pain in my parents eyes. I tried to keep it together as best I could, but at times it was just too much.
I won't lie, last night was difficult. I went from zero to sixty instantly and couldn't get back to my happy-zen place. But, I was there for my sister the entire time. We texted the entire way to the hospital (I distracted her from the pain with my humour) and I checked my phone a thousand times throughout the night looking for updates. At 5:30 this morning, we got the call that she was ready to start pushing and off I went.
I had planned to go alone so that I could prepare myself, but that too was not to be. My sister's SIL is my next door neighbour, friend and fellow IFer (who found success after multiple IVFs two years ago) and I drove together. As much as she claimed to understand, she can't. No one can.
I kept biting my tongue...hard to stop the tears from flowing (who are we kidding, rushing) down my face. Seeing the pure joy on everyone's face was difficult and yet amazing at the same time. I will say that at times, I felt pitied. People looked at me with those eyes. Those sad eyes. I look at myself with them.
Visiting hours only start in the late afternoon so after a quick peak and a mazel tov, we left the hospital. I have the next five hours to wrap my head around this. I think I can do it. This is by far the hardest part so far.