My niece and I have begun to bond. No this didn't happen this week, and no it is not because I may have received some good news (beta more than doubled again today...359!); I think I am just getting over the fact that as much as it devastates me that I did not provide the first grandchild, she is here and she is perfect.
Since going back to work this week, I have been swamped. Out late every night with meetings and out early in the morning for every other day blood draws so there hasn't been many opportunities for me to go over to my sisters. Friday's are my early day at work and so I went to spend some time. It was nice. I held her, kissed her and picked out her outfit for her first big party on Sunday. Two hundred of my parents, her inlaws and my sister's friends will be dropping by to meet the little one. I am not looking forward to this party, but am putting on a brave face and showing my support. A. and I assume that most people if not all people know that we are having difficulty conceiving based on the fact that we have been married for 6.5 years with no baby - so I am anticipating many pity looks. Yes, I know that I may have good news of my own to share in the near future, but until I do and even once I do, this situation will be hard for me.
I am getting better and I am proud of myself for that. I actually enjoyed myself today with her. I don't feel sad when I'm there and when I leave - if we are alone. Once other people come and see me, I feel awkward and pitied and sad. But I suspect I will feel like that for a while.