Yesterday was not an easy day. It started at 7am when I went for my beta test followed by the party. I told my mother that I would help set-up and decorate the room so I spent the morning arranging flowers, organizing the tables and putting the finishing touches on whatever needed to be done. I began to get nervous that I had heard about my beta around 1pm as they always call by 12:30pm. I kept thinking that it would not be a good day to get bad news. Please don't let it be bad news.
They finally called around 2pm - just before the party started and to my surprise, the number went up again. 1088.3! Holy shit that sounds like a strong number. I really hope this works as I find myself getting attached.
The party was very nice. I was only mistaken for my sister two or three times which was less than anticipated so that was good. Each time it happened though, it was like a punch in my gut. No, I'm not the one who just had the baby, I'm the older infertile sister. Wouldn't it be nice if we could actually say what was on our minds? Having my own positive news definitely helped get me through the party, however there were moments where I needed space. I felt suffocated at times being in the sea of pregnant bellies and new babies. I spent time on the couch in the corner or walking the halls when I needed a baby-free zone, but luckily it wasn't too much of the time so no one really noticed.
At the end of the party I was exhausted both mentally and physically that I came home and crashed at 8pm. A. was really sweet. He lay tucked me in bed and kissed me good night and I was able to finally have a better night sleep. I have no more baby related obligations. I can finally move on from the disappointment and begin to heal.