Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Plan

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and personal stories with me, A. and I have read them and they have helped a lot. We decided to go ahead with the GC as planned...for now. Once (if) we hit the 12-week mark and things look ok, we may reevaluate, but for now, we are committed to this plan. We also decided to not tell the GC yet. We consulted with AL and we all agreed that she does not need to know now. Of course we would tell her before a transfer, but right now, I do not feel safe with my own pregnancy that I just don't want to deal with that.

Our transfer is set for March 11, but our legal contract needs to be in place by Feb.9th and I am not sure that will happen, so who knows how far back will be pushed. AL is working hard to make this happen for us, but right now, I just don't know what will happen. I am trying to be relaxed about both situations so that I don't get too attached to any outcome. The lawyer will receive his retainer Monday by lunch and then we will know if this is doable or not. Fingers crossed.

On Thursday we had our second ultrasound. I was feeling pretty calm leading up to it, but come Wednesday night I was a mess. Driving on the way, I started hyperventilating and crying. I was petrified that the heart stopped and this would all be over. Thankfully, things still look good. It measured 9mm with a heartbeat of 165. Relief.

A. was with me and after the scan we met with the RE. She told me that my reactions are completely normal. That I am living week to week and I feel relief for a few days after the scan, and then go back to worrying. It won't hurt the pregnancy to feel like this, but I should try and enjoy some moments. All we have is now and if the worst happens, we will deal with it. I am trying to do that but it is difficult.

In her effort to make me a normal patient, she referred me to an OB. It took her a few moments of thought and consideration before making her suggestion. I picked the hospital, and she did the rest. She assigned me to a high-risk dr that specializes in people like me. Nut jobs. People that have been through a lot to get pregnant that need a little extra hand holding and may be a bit nuts (or in my case, a lot). I don't think we meet this doctor until after twelve weeks, but just having the referral is a big step for me.

She put us on a weekly ultrasound plan because as she says, the research shows that frequent monitoring helps to reduce anxiety and miscarriages in the nutsos. Ok, I like that. I can only imagine how much worse off I will be without the scans.

I started having infrequent bouts of nausea from about 6.5weeks, but now they are more stable. I am not throwing up, but I am constantly nauseous and I am loving it. I have tried many natural remedies (candied ginger, tea, crackers), and so far the crackers are working. I did hear of some candies that are supposed to relieve the nausea so I am going to try those as well. If you have other remedies, I am all ears. (I am totally open to taking medication, however it is manageable right now, but if it gets worse than to the pharmacy I will go.)

On another note, A. and I babysat tonight. My sister had to go out unexpectedly for about an hour and half and so we watched her. It was the first time we were alone with an infant and we did a great job. Of course it is way easier to watch a baby for a short time, but for us, this was a huge milestone. I have been spending more time with her lately and she is just so cute, that I fall more in love with her cuteness every time I see her. (Thank you to those who told me that would happen.)

I'm in a better place right now. I feel hopeful that 2011 will bring me a take home baby (one way or another) and A. and I are and have been in a great place. I am so glad the devastation from the summer is behind us and we can focus on other things. I won't lie, I think about that pregnancy all the time. I am acutely aware that the due date anniversary is around the corner in February, and although it will be incredibly sad, we will get through it.



  1. I have a million morning sickness tips but the one that helps me the most is green apples and peanut butter. It's good and healthy and really calms my stomach and stays on my stomach for awhile.

    Everything I read says snacks with complex carbs and protein so I really try and stick with that. Hope that helps! :)

  2. Soooo happy to hear that your second ultrasound went well!!! That's awesome that you'll be having weekly ultrasounds to help with the anxiety a bit. So glad you're enjoying your niece. I just know she's going to adore her auntie R.

    As far as the nausea, my mom told me that she was able to reduce her morning sickness by always eating before she got hungry. During the night she'd keep crackers by her bed & munch on them when she got up to the use the bathroom. Hope you find something that works for you.


  3. I had weekly ultrasounds til week 14. After that, I was too big to see anything. My OB does that for all his patients. I am so glad I am with a good one and that you will be too.

    I was never nauseous to the point of throwing up, but I kept eating small amounts throughout the day.

    Hang in there! Rooting for you!


  4. I am so relieved for you that all is continuing to go well! I'm keeping everything crossed that it will continue to do the same.

    I never really got "sick" either but my stomach never felt settled. I got my hands on Preggi.e Pops and they helped tremendously. They make them in "drop" form too so you don't have to talk around with a lollipop in your mouth

  5. Hey R...this post just makes my heart melt! I am thrilled to read that you are living in the moment as you should! The plan...brilliant. Love it. I know for me if I could keep my stomach from being totally empty that would help the nausea. So ate small meals all day and night. Mostly carbs with as much fibre as possible to keep me satiated was what I could handle. I have preggie pops but never really found them to work...the candied ginger sounds like it would as I drank ginger tea and it felt nice in my tummy.

  6. I had terrible nausea until about 18 weeks with this pregnancy--never threw up, but the nausea was intense and made me miserable. I had lots of food aversions as well, which probably made it worse. In the end, my ob/gyn did prescribe me something. I don't recall the name of the drug now, but it worked beautifully when none of the other remedies did, so don't be afraid to ask for something if it does start wearing you down.

    If you think it's manageable, then you probably won't need it. I can tell you that I found the preggie pops gave very temporary relief--I used to have some handy for when I needed to be physically capable of doing something.

  7. I like your plan!
    What I like even more is that you saw a strong HB again! It almost feels surreal for ME to be typing that for YOU, given how much I have seen you go through (and given how incredibly similar our cycles were at CCRM)so I can only imagine how surreal it all feels for you. Does that make sense? I hope so. I like the weekly scan idea--that seems completely reasonable and will be so reassuring for you. All that nausea must be reassuring, too :)

  8. i'm so glad you have a plan you're both happy with, and so glad you have seen another nice strong heartbeat :)

    i think what your RE said is spot on. it's how i am, too. scans reassure me only for two or three days, then it's back to the worrying.

    the frequent monitoring sounds good, as does the nausea :) mine came and went, which was nerve wracking, but so reassuring when it was present!

    you'll always remember the first baby, too. even in the chaos that (hopefully!) two healthy babies only three or so months apart will bring. you'll always remember and think of that baby with love as well as sadness.

    i will be thinking of you next month as your missed due date approaches xx

  9. I'm so glad that you are getting weekly scans and that your doctor is so understanding of the extra hand-holding that you definitely need and deserve. It sounds like your OB will be good too. I'm so optimistic for you!

    I don't have any tips for the nausea as I was thankfully spared that part (although I always secretly wished for more tangible symptoms like that...), but I have heard that eating crackers or dry cereal before you get out of bed can be helpful.

    And I really like your plan - it sounds like a good one. So happy for you!!!

  10. Sounds like you are in a calm place right now (at least, when you wrote this post). I took a big exhale when I was reading it. I like that you and A have come up with a plan that you both feel comfortable with. You two are quite a team! No matter what happens, you will be ok.

    I like that you are enjoying time with your niece. That's wonderful to read. I can't help but imagine that it must be starting to feel different to spend time with an infant. At this point, I'm guessing that you and A are starting to thing "well, we will have one of those before the year ends". I know you are still feeling uncertain about the pregnancy, but the good news keeps coming. It must be starting to feel real?

    I continue to be so thrilled for you, R. It's YOUR turn to be happy now.

  11. First and foremost I'm so excited about the great heartbeat and u/s!! As for the nausea, you might remember I was nauseous (including vomiting) throughout my pregnancy so I probably tried everything. Definitely try not to let yourself get too hungry because that just makes it worse. I found fruit helped a lot and bagels when I needed some carbs. I tried the Preggie Pop Drops and the tangerine ones seemed to help me the most, probably just mental but whatever if it makes you feel better. Club soda or sometimes 7-up also worked because of the carbonation.

    As for your upcoming due date, you're right - it will be hard on you. I had a really bad day that day. Try to focus on the blessing you have on the way now, maybe it will alleviate some of the sadness....

  12. Oh R! I am thrilled for you.

    Congratulations on a great second u/s. I can't even imagine the terror that grips you going into those appts. Your new wkly plan sounds perfect for mind management.

    I am so excited about your GC plan. You are a great mother and you can handle anything, anytime.

    Just so happy to come here and share your story.

  13. I wish my ob new about the frequent u/s reducing the anxiety...It's been over 7 weeks since we've seen our bean! I'm praying hard for you honey!

  14. I am so glad to hear that your RE will be so pro-active with lessening your anxiety with weekly u/s. Best wishes that things continue smoothly!

  15. So wonderful to hear your second u/s went well :)
    So happy for you! So glad you can get weekly u/s
    for reassurance. You plan with the GC sounds great, and that you are leaving it open to reevaluate around 12wks. I am very hopeful as well that you will be bringing home a take home baby in 2011! :)

  16. I've been following your story with great interest, especially regarding your thoughts about moving forward with your GC plan. It's not quite the same, but I find myself with some of the same emotions. I want to be positive about this pregnancy, but it just seems realistic and pragmatic to continue, in parallel, to move ahead with our previous plans (in our case, my sister as a donor). It's hard to reconcile hope for this pregnancy, sometimes, with the pragmatism of keeping a backup plan (or, as I'm starting to think of it, not a backup plan, just a parallel plan for a another baby: maybe down the road for us if we freeze eggs/embryos; maybe almost simultaneously for you). Anyhow, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on all of this. Makes me feel not quite so weird and alone. And wonderful about the weekly ultrasounds! That would make *me* feel better. :-)

  17. R - I too had naseau, but never threw up. I found that small meals really helped, especially if I felt it coming on. I think that the website "Motherrisk" has some good stuff on naseau, and I heard that things that are high in magnesium help. Best of luck to you.