How am I feeling? Completely terrified and in utter shock. I am still trying to process the hugeness of this, but I can't. I can't wrap my head around the fact that for once my body did what it was supposed to do. It ovulated. Do you realize how huge this is?! Then A and I miraculously had sex during the window of ovulation - luckily it happened on a weekend. And then, the sperm actually hooked up with my crappy eggs, absolutely amazing.
If this works, it will be a true miracle. Of course, I would never say its because we just relaxed. In fact, I was probably at one of my most stressful times - the birth, the MFM dr and the GC letter, GC's ODWU so I really don't think stress or less stress has anything to do with it.
A is 1000% convinced this is all going to work out. He cannot even consider the possibility that it is a short lived miracle. I am scared out of my mind for what this will do to him and his spirit if the worst should happen. He says it would be the cruelest joke on earth and he is right.
We didn't ask for this. We didn't have timed intercourse. We just had the "five minute fuck".
Don't get me wrong, I would love nothing more than to be pregnant and see my baby in nine months, but if that is not to be than why the fuck did my body need to start working now?
When we first had the positive test, I consulted with dr LisainSK and we decided I should take Endometrium (I told the nurse when she called about the beta and said that was good). I'm glad I did. I am not on any estrogen support and maybe I need to be. If the test doubles tomorrow, I will ask. I have begun spotting today and it is FREAKING me out. Yes, spotting can be normal, but nothing about this situation is normal so I don't know what to think.
So that's where I'm at. Totally freaked out. Nervous for tomorrow's beta and scared for myself and my husband.