I am not letting my guard down with this miracle pregnancy. Last time, I truly thought everything would be ok and I was completely blindsided by the miscarriage. I won’t let that happen again. A. is more than 100% convinced that this is our miracle. That it is finally our turn to have the happy ending.
Going for betas every other day is both reassuring and terrifying. I find myself a nervous wreck until they call with the results (2633), but then I find some peace for a short while only to relieve the entire the experience. I don’t want to rush time until an ultrasound (no clue when that will be), but I need to know how this is going to end up. Are we really going to get the happy ending and a take home baby? I hope so, but I am not convinced yet.
We haven’t shared this with anyone IRL except my dad, but I am uncomfortable about this. AL doesn’t know, nor the GC or CCRM. I go back and forth in my head about what to do, but I am leaning towards going ahead with the DE GC plan as well. A. and I want a big family and we are both ready to get off this ride. Also, I am not sure if this is a one-time wonder. There are stories (urban legends) of people that get pregnant a few months into their surrogacy pregnancy, so in essence this would be the same, only in reverse direction. I am definitely going to tell the GC before we set a transfer date as it is only fair. I will be honest and hopefully she will be supportive and still want to go ahead with the transfer.
Am I crazy for wanting to this? Is it being greedy? If you know of stories of people that have children a few months apart, I would love hear them.
-R.
nope, i would do it too. :) we only get so many chances, and i understand the feeling of wanting to get it all over with already!
ReplyDeletethinking of you.
xoxo
lis
I'd do the same thing! And hey, my kiddos are going to be just three weeks apart so there ya go :)
ReplyDeleteHang in there hon, I know it's tough given all you've been through, but let's just all keep begging the universe to let this BE for you!
Yes -I have heard lots of stories of children just a few days / weeks / months apart - twiblings. I totally hear you about wanting to get off the IF rolllercoaster.
ReplyDeleteI hear you about being really nervous and reassured with pg testing. I am going through that right now too - hang in there. You have alot of reasons to have hope. I try to take comfort in each reassuring result before getting too anxious about the next test. Good luck and fingers crossed for you.
RJ
I don't think our crazy. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your shoes but you gotta do what is right for you. Is the embryo(s) that the GC will have transfered your egg and your husbands sperm? That'd be so neat if they looked a like!
ReplyDeleteYou're not crazy or greedy. It also makes sense to me that you're keeping your guard up about the pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on all counts. No need to tell anyone just yet, as you yourself said you want a big family. Hang in there - we are all waiting for things to be good for you.
ReplyDeleteT
Nope - GO for it!
ReplyDeleteI would totally go for it. Before I'd talk to anyone I'd talk to your GC just to make sure she's okay with it. She sounds super awesome and I think that she would be more than understanding. I hope CCRM or AL doesn't raise an issue about this...I think it will just require another round of psych questions but hopefully that's it. If this is your dream...go for it. And it the worst case scenario happens with your MB (miracle baby) then you've got the wheels in motion. Hoping some reassurance comes soon...and your betas...WOWZA!! So awesome!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with everyone else here: that you should do this (if it's what you want.) Even if this miracle pregnancy delivers you a baby (and I'm so very wishing and hoping for you that it does), it was just that: a 1 in a [large number] chance (believe me, I'm right there with you). And if you want to have another you might be using DE and/or GC. So why not do it in parallel (roughly)? Given all that you've been through, I think it's a totally reasonable and logical decision. Best wishes to you! Hoping that you'll increasingly find some peace with your rising betas (although I know it's hard!)
ReplyDeleteDid you see this? http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/magazine/02babymaking-t.html
ReplyDeleteI was thinking the exact same thing, but didn't want to suggest it. I would totally go for it with the GC. Yes, twiblings seem to be the newest thing, so you would be so chic ;-)
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, why not? You know you want a big family, you were willing to consider having twins. I would just make sure you only transfer one embryo to the GC, right? Because what would you do if she ended up with twins?
I think it is great for you to remain cautiously optimistic about this pregnancy, but still move forward with your contingency plan.
I'm on the same page everyone else seems to be on, I would totally go ahead with the GC if you can. I was also on the same page as you with my pregnancy, we didn't tell anyone until 15-16 weeks because I was terrified things would go badly again. You just have to do what feels right to you and let everything sink in as you go. So excited for another fantastic beta by the way!!!
ReplyDeleteGo for it. Seriously. There's not much difference if they're 2 weeks apart or 2 years apart- each age has a trade off so it depends on what's the hardest for you- the newborn or an older stage. There will still be the learning curve of being a new parent, but I have no doubt that you will be wonderful. Do what's best for you & know you are supported 100%!
ReplyDeleteyou're not crazy or greedy. i would do it too. in a heartbeat.
ReplyDeleteand yay for a great rising beta!
Hey! I just swept by your blog. Found it through a mutual friend's. Wishing the best for you and looking forward to following your journey.
ReplyDelete~Jess
http://bringingyoumorethanasong.blogspot.com/
Guy I work with did FOUR IVF and then gave up.
ReplyDeleteWas selected for adoption and got pregnant totally unassisted. Her IF was undiagnosed.
They had "twins" t4 months apart. They are deliriously happy.
They recently had a third daughter via adoption.
This is can be you my dear, dear R. I think of you every single solitary day.
Congrats on another fabulous beta. I don't think you're greedy or crazy. I would probably do that too....you've worked hard for those embies and the GC is all set up. You've put a lot of investment into it.
ReplyDeleteWe have family friends who adopted twins and while waiting for the birth mother to give birth, found out they were pregnant naturally. So they have 3 girls all very close in age. A lot to handle but they are so happy!!
Same here. Support you 100%
ReplyDeleteYou're not crazy, it'd be like having twins, and twins are manageable. I think almost any person who has experienced infertility welcomes the idea of twins because they've waited so long to start their family, that it feels like making up for lost time!
ReplyDeleteso, I read somewhere else it is delurking day today, so I am. I've been following you for a couple weeks and just keep hoping for the best for you. I'll go back into lurk mode now. Just know there is another person pulling for you.
ReplyDeletei would totally go for it. if nothing else it doubles your chance of success. i so, so hope that *both* these paths work out for you.
ReplyDelete