Friday, October 1, 2010

I'm sitting in a Starbucks drinking a decaf vanilla latte and eating banana chocolate chip cake...I'm cancelled.

This morning my measured a thick 7.1mm, but still homogenous so its the end of the road for this cycle. Right now, I am coping. I have to. I am not at home in the comfort of my bed and I tool the last of pills last night, but I am devastated. And angry. And scared.

Plan one million and one is now in full effect. I have scaled down to two patches every other day and begin taking oral progesterone tonight. I should expect a period in 10 days. Then I will start this nightmare over again.

Thanks for all your support this week, it means so much to know I'm not alone.

-R.
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25 comments:

  1. CassieOctober 1, 2010 at 11:30 AM

    Oh R, ugh. I'm sorry. I know you will cope - you are very strong. And also, you didn't really get a good bleed with your last AF, right? So I think you just need to completely get rid of that uncooperative lining and start fresh. So here's to having a nice big nasty period (without much cramping though!), so you can get going.
    Hugs.
    And I am jealous of your coffee (even decaf) and chocolate chips - I hope they were yummy!

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  2. Mel.October 1, 2010 at 11:30 AM

    Oh honey, I'm so very sorry! I wish I could make it all better for you.... Huge hugs and much love to you.

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  3. PieOctober 1, 2010 at 11:32 AM

    Damn, R. I'm so very sorry you are cancelled again. Truly not fair at all. (((((HUGS)))))

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  4. VictoriaOctober 1, 2010 at 11:42 AM

    Sorry about you cancellation.

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  5. AlisonOctober 1, 2010 at 11:49 AM

    I am so, so sorry. That just sucks. Huge huge (((hugs)))

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  6. AnonymousOctober 1, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    Oh Rb-k.. I am so sorry. I cannot wait until the day this is all just a bad, distant memory and you FINALLY get what you have been working so hard for. Thinking of you... tbb1

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  7. Brave IVF GirlOctober 1, 2010 at 11:58 AM

    I'm sorry. It sucks, *hugs*

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  8. AnonymousOctober 1, 2010 at 12:49 PM

    So so so so sorry R.

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  9. AnonymousOctober 1, 2010 at 12:53 PM

    So not fair. You weren't even thinking about the pattern and the lining came in fine. Thinking of you.

    T

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  10. BethOctober 1, 2010 at 1:05 PM

    i'm so sorry R :(

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  11. AugustaOctober 1, 2010 at 1:06 PM

    Oh, this is devastating. I'm so sorry the transfer got canceled. I hope you can regroup this weekend and find the strength to forge ahead. Take good care of yourself, beautiful woman.

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  12. lastchanceivfOctober 1, 2010 at 1:48 PM

    Sheesh you CANNOT CATCH A BREAK. Universe?? Are you listening? R does not deserve this. She has suffered enough. She has proven her desire enough. She has DONE ENOUGH. Please please please let her next attempt produce a beautiful triple striped thick lining. Please.

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  13. SOctober 1, 2010 at 1:53 PM

    I'm sorry. Hope next attempt brings better news.

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  14. AnonymousOctober 1, 2010 at 2:03 PM

    Oh, I'm so sorry. (hugs)

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  15. LindsayOctober 1, 2010 at 2:05 PM

    So sorry to hear your cancelled. So very frustrating and unfair! Hang in there and hugs.

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  16. RoccieOctober 1, 2010 at 3:32 PM

    I didn't think it would end up here. I am really sorry to hear it is.canceled. I know a month may as well be next year.

    Get home. It will feel so good to be there.

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  17. JennOctober 1, 2010 at 5:17 PM

    This sucks and I hate hearing that you are in such a place right now. Hang in there and know we are cheering you on.

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  18. Mrs. HopeOctober 1, 2010 at 5:57 PM

    I'm so sorry. Never getting there is so tough. Thinking of you.

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  19. cdgOctober 1, 2010 at 7:50 PM

    I am so very sorry. Canceled cycles totally suck. thinking of you....

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  20. TXGirlieOctober 1, 2010 at 10:12 PM

    Oh {{{{{{R.}}}}}}, I'm deeply sorry that you've encountered yet another freaking roadblock. Like Cassie said, hopefully the light period was just a sign of a wonky cycle and next time will be better. We're all here for you to lean on this next month.

    T.

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  21. kayjayOctober 2, 2010 at 3:20 AM

    I'm so sorry you're being put through all of this. It stinks and it sucks HUGE. It feels awful to get this far and then stop your cycle BUT I think you need to do your last cycle with your own uterus with as little regrets as you possibly can. I think if you had pushed and gone ahead, you would have had regrets if it didn't work out so although this is excruciating in the extreme, you did the right thing to stop and try again. I canceled my first cycle at CCRM after doing all the prep, flying down there and doing an extra few days of injectibles until we finally decided not to proceed so I get how awful it feels to start and then stop a cycle. You have all of this forward momentum and all of a sudden you come to a screeching halt. Not fair. Try to hang in there. Sending you a GIANT HUG.

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  22. MeOctober 2, 2010 at 7:27 PM

    &$%$@#!!!!

    I'm so sorry honey.

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  23. Justine LOctober 4, 2010 at 1:38 PM

    Visiting from LFCA ... I'm so sorry to hear this. *hugs* to you ...

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  24. AnonymousOctober 4, 2010 at 3:10 PM

    I am sending you a big hug.

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  25. Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.?October 4, 2010 at 4:24 PM

    Visiting from LFCA...so sorry to hear your cycle is canceled. It really sucks. ((HUGS))

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