Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Moving Too Fast

Things are the GC seem to moving at warp speed. The agency emailed me today that they found me a potential GC, um what? That seems a little fast. The carrier they found for me was almost perfect. Great personality (from what I could tell from the profile), healthy, four previous successful natural pregnancies and always conceived on the first or second month (what the hell is that like) and seems to have altruistic reasons for wanting to do this (of course money comes into play, but I don't think it's the driving force. The down side is she's older than I would want, 39 and she lives quite far away (definitely a plane ride and a time difference). I didn't commit to her.

Maybe if she was younger, I would feel differently about the distance, but I struggle with this. I still am so upset with my body letting me down at such a young age that it is so difficult for me to turn to older women for help building my family. This is the part that stings the worst for me. If you are in your late 30s or 40s you may not understand and may think I am being silly, but I promise if you were 30 fucking years and your egg donor was older than you as well as your GC, it would suck.

I am not ready to commit to anyone right now. Its too soon. In the next two days I am hoping to get AF and then will get the ball rolling on my final FET. Without Lupron and waiting for a thick lining, I estimate the transfer will be around two weeks from CD1 and I really want to focus my energy on positivity for this cycle. I know its a long shot. I know I may not even get to transfer. I know it might not work. I know it might work to only get ripped away too soon. But I need to try and I need to believe, otherwise, what is the point?



  1. thats crazy. i guess the upside is that they are already working with/for you, even though you haven't given them anything yet but a phone call. that speaks well for them, in my opinion.
    you know i <3 and have faith in your uterus. i just can't help but have these positive feelings. im glad you are waiting and seeing. i think thats what you need right now.

  2. Holy cow that is quick! i can't believe they found you a potential match so soon. I would be horribly resentful as well that the GC is older than you for exactly the reasons you cited. It stings - there's no way around it if that were the case. And yes, what does it feel like to get pregnant on the 1st or 2nd month of trying naturally, all on your own? Huh?

  3. P.S. I think you are completely doing the right thing by focusing your energies on your last FET. I would even go as far as to tell the GC agency to put a hold on any phone calls until after you're done. That way, you don't get distracted by anything when you need to be in Denver with your mind in a FET.

  4. Wow... that is rather quick. But you are totally right.... FET is all you need to think right now. Let that play out before you move to the next step. Thinking of you...

  5. Totally get your emotions on an older GC - like a NINE year difference isn't enough of a slap in the face. But I think this is so normal to doubt your feelings on GC as you start walking down that path - and even more so when you're awaiting another FET. Thinking of you.

  6. Wow - this is moving quickly. As a 29-year old who was also diagnosed with "old ovaries" I can totally relate to your frustration. It just seems so unfair that despite being you and healthy, your reproductive parts don't follow suit.

    It's great you have this option, but I think you should focus all your positive energy on your upcoming FET!!

  7. Hey R,

    I agree with Kayjay and I think they should know your plans. I, too, would be wary and I am 38. I read that having more than four pregnancies can make it more difficult on your uterus. That was a while ago, and maybe things have changed. Maybe her age has something to do with why she was so quick to be found.

    It would be nice if you could meet each woman before you choose. And you definitely want to be close to this person, but do you want to be so close that you will bump into her? A. seems to be uncomfortable meeting her, so this is a consideration.

    It's nice to know you don't have to wait a long time.


  8. good luck with the FET. i hope that works and the GC thing doesn't need to happen.

    9 years older sounds like a lot to me, too.

  9. Dont rush it. You can come around to this if it is needed down the road. My first donor fell through and I am glad it did.