I have been reading your blogs, but haven't been up to commenting lately. Please forgive, I promise to be back soon.
I finally had an appointment with SJ. It felt like forever since I last saw her, and I really needed to process my feelings. She agreed, I'm a mess. I equated my low right now to the same level, but different pain from the summer. Its not good.
She asked me what I was doing to be proactive. Honestly? Nothing. I think this is one of the reasons I'm so down. She gave me the contact info for the best (in her opinion) surrogacy agency in Toronto and instructed me to contact her. Holy shit, I need a surrogate. Ok, maybe not officially...yet, but she thinks there is a very real possibility this could be the direction I go. This coming from the same woman who told me not to get ahead of myself is now urging me to contact surrogates. Holy shit.
I'm going to make the inital contact, but I'm so scared.