Thursday, November 11, 2010


The lonely line is still present. It wasn't horrible this morning. Don't get me wrong, this mother fucking sucks, but at least I didn't cry. I managed to make it through most of the day without shedding a tear or even welling up. It has sunk in though, this cycle failed. I will never be pregnant. I am that farther from reaching the end of this journey.

A. and I had a really great talk about things tonight. We are both committed to eachother and our GC plan. Yes, we hate that we are in this place, but we are going to try and move forward and not let this completely devastate us (me). I told him, I will try and be brave and positive, but if (when) his sister announces her pregnancy all bets are off. He understands. It was really nice being able to rely on eachother. Usually, when we get devastating news (and lets face it, we get it a lot), we each grieve in our own ways. To some degree this is still true. I have been hysterically crying and grieving all week, and he is only beginning to now. I know I still have a long way to go before I am able to accept what has happened and all that I have lost, but I know I will get there...eventually.

Tomorrow, I leave A. for a women's weekend away to the Capital City, Ottawa. I am looking forward to some much needed time away. I am just really hope I will be able to keep myself together on the train when the call comes.



  1. I am so glad that A. is there to support you during this difficult time. I am sorry you have had to go through all of this. Would it be possible for them to leave you a message so that you could listen to it at your convenience and when you are in a private place? Thinking of you.


  2. I'm deeply sorry, R. I wish I could say something that would make you feel a tiny bit better, but I know that's not possible. Please just know that I care about you & I think you're an amazing woman. I don't know why the universe has dealt you this shitty hand, but I know eventually your perseverance is going to pay off.

    {{{{{big hugs}}}}}


  3. I am so sorry that you are going through yet another disappointment - it is just not fair. I am thinking of you.

  4. I'm so sorry. I did my blood test today - I always "cheat" and go a day early if I know the result. Wishing it were different.

  5. I am thinking of you constantly. I am glad that you guys have each other and know what the next steps are, even though I realize that this is not at all an easy thing for you guys. I hope you can enjoy your weekend and get a little break from all this TTC stuff.
    Love to you.

  6. I'm so sorry for you. But definitely lean on each other. I know my husband is the only reason I've gotten through any of this. Have a fun weekend--eat lots and get really drunk :)

  7. Rocco and I send our love to you