Thank you for not judging me and continuing to hold out hope, when I fear there is none to be had. For the record, tonight's test is still BFN. This morning, I was at my worst. I need to apologize to you. Infertility is not the Pain Olympics and my pain is no worse than any of yours. We all suffer. BUT, I still admit that if you have found success, it is different.
I am trying to move forward and be ok with the way this is playing out, it just make sense to me. Why would it begin to work last time with a thinner lining, and now not? It just doesn't make sense. I guess this is one of those things that I will never know the answer to.
I am constantly on the verge of tears and feel like I could fall into a million pieces at every turn, but I am holding it together as best I can. Just trying to put one foot in front of the other and breathe. Only a few more days until this limbo nightmare will be over.
Just thought it was appropriate.
-R.
Oh, honey, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I hope the BFN turns around, but above all, I hope you find peace in whatever form it takes.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. I hope that you are able to get through the next few days and no matter what they hold, know that you are not alone. I wish there was some sense to all of this- but I've learned from my experience that there just isn't. I am hoping that 2011 is the year for us both!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs...
ReplyDeleteI am counting down the days with you.
ReplyDeleteSuccess doesn't make us different in my eyes.
Oh R, I really hope that things turn out differently than you think they will. But I know that it's important to prepare for the worst.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you.
It sucks to be unsure. I have been told everything was great a few times and got BFNs. Or, the pregnancies started out great and crapped out. I am rooting for you no matter how you get your eventual happy ending.
ReplyDeleteT
This is your blog and you get to write about your pain.... I'm just hoping you get to overcome that pain sooner rather than later! Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteLet me just say that I totally get it, everything you just said I think came out of my mouth at some point. I am thinking of you and sending you love and strength to get through these next few days.
ReplyDeletei'm so, so sorry R. thinking of you and sending hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteThinking about you and sending good thoughts!
ReplyDelete