Last night I had the most beautiful dream. I dreamt that I had never miscarried last summer and it was time to meet my baby. I was woken from my sleep by some stomach cramping and within two short minutes, my baby was out and he was beautiful.
I didn't want to wake up. I don't want this dream to be over. I will never be pregnant. I will never experience the movement or the feeling of a baby inside me.
Walking into my local RE for this mornings test was probably the hardest thing I have had to do in the last four years. I thought I was ok, I thought I was prepared. I was wrong. I'm so profoundly sad that things did not work they way we all hoped and thought they would. The pain of this latest failure will be with me for a long time - probably forever.
I just can't believe that I'm back in this place yet again.