The other shoe. I have lost my sense of calm. I was doing well, really well actually. I had a plan in place and I was feeling ok. I got a call from the GC last night. Apparently she began spotting on BCP - she never spots. This.Is.Not.Good. The spotting is consistent and is now being classified as AF. Oh fuck. I call email NN to see if we can get her in early for screening, but since its Thanksgiving there are no spots. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I have to wait another month.
I should be used to the waiting. I should be used to delays. I am so not. I have been crying off and on all day. I even broke down in front of a friend before going to dinner. In four years, I have never lost my cool in front of someone other than immediate family. Never. I tried pleading with NN, but it didn't work. There just are no spots. This can't be happening. I looked at the calendar. The next she will be ready to go for the screening will be Christmas. I am sure the office is going to be closed so this will just further delay me. I just don't know what to do.
I really needed to have this plan in place before my sister gives birth. She's due, January first and now it doesn't look like this is going to happen. Haven't I suffered enough? Why can't one fucking thing just work out the way it is supposed to? I am so ready to just give up.