I didn't mean to scare anyone about my mental state. Yes, I'm in a deep dark place, and I am not exactly coping (I even turned down a quick appointment with the local RE), but I'm not suicidal. I'm breathing and taking it one day at a time.
Things remain status quo. No news from the peri on an appointment date for the GC, NN hasn't called her yet either - so we wait. You know how I love that!
In other IF related news...
I must wear a huge neon light up sign on my forehead that screams, I can't get pregnant. Today I had an encounter with a teacher at the photocopier. She started off talking about how God only gives what we can handle, and no matter how much we want something we only get it when God says so. Um, FUCK YOU lady. Then she continued to tell me about her daughter who never wanted kids, then found out she needed help, so she had IVF, so what! My response, she's lucky it worked and I walked away.
Seriously?! This cannot be my life.
-R.
What is it with teachers? I have had similar conversations at the copier too! Grrrr! Hoping that you are able to get an appt with the peri soon and are able to make some headway. I'll keep encouraging you since I can't seem to make myself make any decisions!
ReplyDeleteUgh. That's the worst. What made that woman start talking aobut all that God only gives you what you can handle stuff, anyway? UGH!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you checked in with us. You're in my thoughts. (((HUGS)))
What a load of bull - people just laps into trite and meaningless sayings when they don't know what to say. I wish they would keep their mouths shut and their thoughts to themselves in those cases...did she honestly think she was making you feel better? I'm sorry you had to suffer through that conversation - you handled it with such grace too.
ReplyDeleteUgh...that is THE worst advice. On my flight home from Vegas I had this "positive thinking guru" telling me how negative I must be as I don't have a baby yet and that if I think positively I'll have one...poof...presto. Just like that. I wanted to kill her. Of course she's had all the advantages in life and she knew what I was going through because her sister had difficulty too. How did we get on this topic even? She asked "Any kids?" and it went from there. But I HATE the God advice. My BFF spouts that all the time and it makes me cringe too. Sorry R.
ReplyDeleteI hate everyone who asks me "Any kids?" question.Sorry, but it's the truth. I guess I'm completly mental, ha ha :-)
ReplyDeleteyou know what it is with teachers? 99% of them are stuck-up judgy bitches. oh, don't forget phony. real talk.
ReplyDeleteand i can say it, i was a teacher for ten years.
R,
i know this is hard. you are brave to not be suicidal. because in the depths of my grief, i really could understand it. though i'd never be able to do that to my mom after all i went through. anyway, i know you can't be alright and you don't have to be right now. some people don't understand tragedy and loss because they haven't lived it. even if that lady is the nicest woman at your school she doesn't understand, and she likely never will.
for you, i am glad for this community and for people who understand. i wish i could say that i do, but our losses are different. just as horrifying but i can't say that i know the added loss of not knowing if my cycle days are over. (though every day i live with the fact that my days are numbered in this game, i can't say that i know how it feels) what i do know, however, is how much not having a plan can SUCK the joy out of every minute. i hate that this is how you feel but i want you to know that i am taking a little bit off your shoulders and onto mine tonight. i keep saying it because i hope that it's true; one day, R. one motherfucking-better-be-soon day. im coming there with LC and we are going to motherfucking stroll our babies around.
xoxo
lis
Oh goodness. I never thought you were suicidal. You are just grieving - which is totally normal for someone in your situation. I think you were too nice in your response. I get it all the time and tell people that they are so lucky and that many others are not. And of course, I give them them the "What the hell kind of question is that?" look. Please start working on "the look" because it wards off every stupid comment in the future. It feels good to get that ASSertiveness out.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
T
Hey, hey guys, easy on the teachers! But seriously R, yes, FUCK HER! I hope you can send someone else to the photocopier for a while. I'm so sorry you had to put up with that. Some people are so clueless.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs to you. I'm hoping you get some better news soon.
Sorry you had to deal with such inane comments from that teacher. I hate the "things happen for a reason" comment from people. So preachy.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
Cracked up at your comment to her. Cracked up. I bet it felt awesome to spit that in her face.
ReplyDeleteOh, crap. Bad karma for that comment but goddammit it was worth it.
Assholes.
ps - I know The Dark Cave of Doom <> suicide.
I hate dumb comments like that. If that is true, how do we explain what God is giving us right now? Are we supposed to be in this much pain both physically and emotionally? I have a hard time beleiving in a god who thinks I can handle this.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for you. I know you are not suicidal but sometimes it feels so hopeless that your thoughts can go to really dark places. Totally normal right now.
Here for you.
le sigh. this is my life too. i totally feel you. people...ugh.
ReplyDelete