Monday, January 18, 2010

I Said What?

I am a very private person at work about anything personal...well that's not exactly true, about anything fertility related. No one at my work knows about my struggles to concieve or that we are even trying...until today that is.

I am pretty sure that I have mentioned before who I am unhappy at work. A. and I decided that it would be alright for me to take a leap of faith and not return to this school in the Fall. This decision was not an easy one to make. First, I do not have a fall back plan. I will now have to apply for a new job and go through the grewling interview process. Second, if my DE cycle works (and I have to be positive so WHEN my DE cycle works) I will only have to work for a few months and who would hire a PG woman? And finally, the obvious...what if I don't find a job?

This decision has been weighing on my mind for weeks and finally I decided to follow my gut and just do it! I had a meeting today with my Department Head where I informed her of my plans. She seemed genuinely shocked and saddened by my news. I explained that on top of the stress of not enjoying my job, I have other stresses in my life and I need to be in a better place. She told me this story:

"A collegue of mine was stressed at work and unable to conceive. She decided to take a leave of absence from work and she immediately got pregnant".

Here was my immediate response:

"I don't think that will be my case considering I have had four failed IVFs and that was without being stressed at work". Her jaw dropped tot he floor. Oh well, I guess I let my cat out of the bag. I have been thinking about why I blurted this out, and the only reason I an come up with is...I'm fed up. I am fed up with the stories of the women that tried Clomid, it didn't work and then got pregnant or the "relax it will happen" or "everything happens for a reason", I'm just fed up!

At least I have the memory of her face in my mind on replay...and what a face it was!



  1. Oh honey - I'm so sorry you had to listen to a "just relax" kind of a story. I know they're just trying to help out and make you feel better but it really doesn't help does it. I wanted to scream every time someone told me a story about someone miraculously conceiving after giving up because I just knew that wouldn't be the story I would be telling. Who really knows why this happens right?

    Congrats on quitting your job though as that does take a lot of courage - I did the same thing and it was very scary because I didn't have a backup plan either. I took cycling on as my new full-time job and spent my time going around to doctors appointments and seeing specialists.

    Hang in there and just ignore the ignorant comments.

  2. Rock the fvck ON! I loooovvvveeee debunking that nonsense every chance I get!