Lies. We all tell them, from the very innocent to the more elaborate; but we do ALL tell them.
Last night, A. and I went over to friends where we played with their kids, ordered a yummy dinner and watched the movie, "The Invention of Lying". For those who are unfamiliar with the movie, Ricky Garvais and Jennifer Garner star in this comedy about a man who tells the world's first lie and how his life changes after that. This movie hit theatres last summer at exactly the same time that we made the trek out to Denver, Colorado or as our friends and extended family were told 'Mt. St. Anne'.
It is quite ironic that this movie about lying came about during the onset of my chronic lying phase. It is true. I am a liar. My lying has become so bad that I am not even sure who I tell what to anymore. I have code names for doctor appointments, travel destinations, Beta tests and hormone injections and there have been a few instances where I have even lied about my lie, confusing isn't it?
Watching this movie, I realized that one of the reasons I lie, is because it is just so EASY. No one questions you when you speak confidently. For example, A.'s parents asked us when we were going out to Denver in front of some family that knew nothing of our plans and I very calmly relied, "we are not going to Denver". End of story, no one questioned, thought it was strange and the immediately the topic was changed.
When we first began trying A. and I had many code words for the different stages and we often referred to our situation as, "the supermarket was out of eggs". In the beginning, I'll admit that it was funny for both of us, as we never dreamed that we would be in the situation we are today, with 'no eggs', but here we are. I fondly remember the early times as I now call them, where we were hopeful about our prognosis and making jokes about the process. Now, our jokes sting a little, but they are still there and after having little hope, our prognosis is finally improving. We are SO hoping that Ms. Perfect will be the answer.
As I sit here and write, I laugh remembering many of the lies we have told over the past three years to cover up why we were late attending a party (giving hormone injections), needed to postpone a vacation (needed to be around for cycle monitoring), couldn't help clean up after a party (in the 2ww and needed to follow dr's orders) and the many many other lies as well. It has been fun, coming up with new and interesting ways to avoid telling the truth, but I am done. I don't want to lie anymore. I want to go to Denver and return pregnant and have the lying stop. Just like the character in the movie learned, lying isn't always fun and doesn't make life easier. I am ready to stop the lies.