I am an elementary special education teacher, but this year I am teaching secondary school and I hate my job. I decided to make the transition to highschool this year in the midst of the most emotionally draining, physically excruciating and spiritually challenging time in my life. Not my best idea. On top of the regular stress we infertiles feel, I have the added stress of a new job that I find both unsatisfying as well as unenjoyable...until today.
I was counting down the days until I left for Denver (I am a patient at CCRM) and oddly enough, that was bringing me some joy as it was a vacation from my personal hell. When those plans changed, I don't have to remind you have devastated I was. Not only, did this set me back months in achieving my motherhood dream, but also ensured that I a) had to stick out the school year and b) find a new job for September.
Since the news last week of the donor pulling out, I have been in what you might call a funk. I go to work, go home and that is pretty much it. There is not a lot of joy. BUT- today was different. Today was the day, that music entered the school.
I work for a private Jewish school and we are a fairly large institution. We have many speciality programmes including a music department. Today we were excited to host a Jazz Big Band of highschool students all the way from Israel. They performed for one hour and were fantastic. The concert brought smiles to everyone, including me. I found myself tapping my feet and singing along with the songs I knew (they were all well known English songs) and thinking of the determination and talent of these students. It made me realize that we all have to work for our dreams. These students go through an intense interview/audition process to become accepted into the school and it is no different from the intense medical discussions, procedures, letdowns and hopefully successes with infertility.
Today I was a teacher who enjoyed going to work because the music made me smile. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a good day as well.