Sunday, September 5, 2010


I miscounted yesterday. Oops.

I am so stupid. I managed to get my hopes up that I might be one of the "miracles", you know the story where after many many failed IF treatments and a miscarriage the person gets pregnant? Well, no that didn't happen. I took a test. That settles it. I am mad that I allowed myself to think that I didn't really need donor eggs or IVF, but how silly of me. Of course I do.

Thank goodness for open bars at weddings. That's where I will be tonight.


ETA: My sister just left my BFF's house where she got a ton of hand me downs. Those were supposed to be mine. FML. (I know they might still be one day, but that is not the mood I am in today.)


  1. You are not stupid! We all wish that everything could be much easier for us and the world didn't hide the fact that this affects so many of us.


  2. not stupid! just proves that life hasn't knocked all the optimism out of you. and it might not feel like it right now, but honestly, that's a good thing.

    i'm on cd1 too. it sucks. i wish we were both pregnant.

  3. I am so sorry R. We've all been there. I still go there after all these years. I hope the open bar at the wedding helped ease some of the pain. Hugs to you!

  4. I'm at a wedding right now! I'm so sorry you got your hopes up and then the test turned out to be negative. Not fun and not fair. Thinking of you.

  5. I'm sorry about the disappointment once again, and the hand-me-downs. I'm very happy to hear about the open bar - enjoy it!

  6. dude, i would probably test every month,knowing i can't conceive w/o help. if i could afford it. sorry for the kick while you were already down so low :(

  7. Oh, R., I'm so sorry about your disappointment and about the hand me downs. I cannot imagine how hard your sister's pregnancy must be for you with all of those moments where it hits you what you don't have. Hopefully your turn is in the near future. Take advantage of that open bar, girl!


  8. Hugs R...such thoughts cross ALL of our minds whenever AF is late. So sorry. I too have a box of hand-me-downs from my friend that have been sitting in my closet for the last three years. Sucks that your sis get them first....hugs. Enjoy the open bar tonight!!

  9. So sorry to hear about the sliver of hope and resulting disappointment. I seem to have that moment every cycle, during which I wonder if I could be pregnant. I'm also so sorry about the hand-me-downs... that would be so difficult to cope with.

  10. I hate this post. I am so very disappointed for your negative. I secretly thought you would be one of those folks of legend.

    By the way, I forbid you to wear any maternity hand me downs. You will dress in your finest when you are glowing with that beautiful baby. Hand me downs are no go when you work this hard for a pregnancy. Personally, I will be so in debt when this show is over, what is a $1000 more in clothes??

    I think I need to call an intervention on you. Perhaps you would like to attend my next HA meeting to learn how to live peacefully with hope? I love/hate hope.... okay, I lied, I love it!