One of my coping mechanisms for dealing with IF is to keep busy. It helps to have a place to go when the despair hits, but I think I may be stretching myself too thin these days. On top of my new job, which comes with a lot of added responsibility and work, I have acupuncture twice a week (hopefully only until the transfer), my appointment with SJ once a week and the latest is my new course once a week. I am getting tired just thinking about all this, but excited too.
I am tired of putting my life on hold because I am not pregnant. I have been scared to take risks, but I am now at a place where I can see beyond IF. I am not giving up. I will be a mother. But, I recognize that I need to move to forward. Putting the pieces of my broken my life back together is going to be rough, but I am committed to having a better year than the last one. Last year was the worst year in my entire life, and I hit rock bottom...more than once; I just can't do that again. I won't do that again. Even if I get cancelled on Friday or get a BFN, I know that nothing will hurt more than the miscarriage this summer. Every now and then I remember the feeling or think about how far along I would have been (20 weeks and getting ready to find out the sex) and then I remember.
I will nto be a victim anymore. It is time for me. I am going to take care of myself and work to heal my broken heart...I just hope I get pregnant so that this will be a bit easier.
-R.
Good for you. We only have one life and so we must trudge on for ourselves. I am glad to hear you are so much stronger.
ReplyDeletei also go to acupuncture -- but only once a week -- and i love it. being able to relax and meditate and feel like i'm doing something positive is such a good feeling.
ReplyDeletei really hope that this cycle is it for you!
b
Sounds great! I've decided getting busier is also a good thing for me. At the same time, this infertility stuff (all the appointments, the hormones and everything --- as you already well know!!) takes a lot out of you. So, I try to give myself a break if I just don't feel like doing some of the stuff I've put on my calendar to keep myself busy or even if I have to let some of it drop through the cracks. I mean, there's only so much you can drop if you want to keep your job, but I think there is always something. Good luck and we'll be here with you!!
ReplyDeleteThis is so great and powerful!! I am so glad you are taking charge of your life and can see a life beyond IF, I struggle to do so every day. You are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're in a very good place, and have a plan to get even better! As always I'm sending all kinds of good luck your way!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so great to hear your resolve, R. Yes, your life is waiting for you and ready to have you embrace it, as much as you are able to. So, go one. Give it all you've got! And may in the midst of living your life, you find yourself pregnant. That is my wish for you.
ReplyDeleteI hope it works for both of us. I too, am tired of having to be reminded so often and wish my brain had a week off.
ReplyDeleteT
I am so happy to hear that you're putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what. Keeping yourself busy is a great idea, although I hope you don't let yourself become too overwhelmed. Hoping this is IT for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so proud of you, R., and you truly are an inspriation to me. I totally hear you about being tired of putting your life on hold.
ReplyDeleteT.
AMEN! Sounds like you and I are in similar places with all of this. I hope that we both get our BFP soon and that all of the cr@p of the last year is worth it. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteOne more day down, my dear.
ReplyDeleteThe day after tomorrow.
You sound strong. I am not surprised but I sure am proud.
you commented on my similar post to this. i wanted to let you know that i registered for the course i was talking about. it starts a week tomorrow.
ReplyDeletethank you.