The sticky residue on my stomach is my reminder that in twenty two days I'm going to do my FET. I am 99% sure that this will be my last shot with my uterus and I am trying not to let this take over my thoughts, but it is really hard. I want to be a mother and I will be a mother, but I would like to be a part of the process.
It's one thing to use donor eggs, or a gestational carrier, but it is a completely different thing to use both. I know that if this is the path I need to take, I will eventually be on board, but I am in a scary place right now. I want so much for this FET to work, and I am making some good protocol adjustments, but the worry is still there.
I need to believe that things will work out, but that is hard to do when nothing ever does. I don't have a good track record or even a reason why things failed last time. They suspect it is me, but without testing we just don't know. That scares the shit out of me. Last night I started listening to my hypnosis cd again, and tomorrow I am going back to acupuncutre. I am hoping that these routine things help get me focused and prepared for the next three weeks.