I'm not cancelled. My lining is still thin at 6.6mm, but I still have some time. My LH has also decreased and my progesterone remained the same at 1.3 (not sure where it is supposed to be, but its good) so overall things are progressing. Yay. NN was out of the office today so I expect a call tomorrow to decide whether we delay by a few days or proceed for the 6th, I'm thinking we will just go ahead as planned, but I don't call the shots.
This morning while I was getting my blood drawn there was another woman doing the same. She looked low, sad. I overheard the medication name and knew she had experienced a miscarriage. Tears began welling up in her eyes and I found myself right back in that place I was this summer. I told the woman, that it does get easier and she gave me a look. This summer many of you comforted me in my many hours/days/weeks of despair and I'll be honest, I thought it was a load of crap. I mean I had just lot my pregnancy, I couldn't think about the future. But you were right. It did get easier. we ended up walking out to the parking lot together and I told her how I miscarried this summer and how sorry I was. I hope I made her feel a bit better.
Those feelings were brought back today like no time has passed. SJ told me that I have symptoms of post traumatic stress from the miscarriage, the weddings and all the babies/pregnancies (especially my sisters). I think I do job of hiding my feelings, but today I was overwhelmed. There is a lot riding on this cycle and I need it to work.
I'm ok. I'm surviving. I'm fighting for a pregnancy with everything in me.
-R.
I'm so glad you were able to offer this other woman a little comfort. Sometimes those who have been there are the only ones who get it. You did a good thing. I hope you're able to proceed as scheduled.
ReplyDeleteI think the other woman must have felt comforted when you shared your story. It always helps to know that you're not alone in all of this madness and that the depth of your pain is truly understood by someone who has been there. Sometimes to help ourselves we have to help someone else and in doing so we learn a little about ourselves in the process. I am really hoping your lining increases as you want it to so badly...my thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Thanks for the offer for helping me by referring your friend's agency...I'm going to see what turns up with the students first and then move onto the next step if nothing works out but I will keep your offer in mind.
I'm sure you were a great comfort to her. And I don't doubt at all the PTSD from everything you've been through. It's hard, R, and you've been soldiering onward so well. But it's also not surprising that you bear some scars from all you've endured (and continue to do so - bravely).
ReplyDeleteHang in there, and know we're all here to support you!
I always admire how people who have gone through much can offer comfort to someone else. I applaud what you did and I, as always, wish the best for you and your cycle.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you have those sad feelings welling back up. It was very sweet of you to express your sympathy to that woman. I hope she was appreciative. I know sometimes we can feel so alone in this experience, so it is nice to know that we are not.
ReplyDeleteIt seems is all we do is fight and wait. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteT
R., many people wouldn't have taken the time to comfort the lady experiencing the miscarriage. You're such a sweet soul to talk to her and I bet she really heard you more than she heard everyone else that has told her that the pain will ease over time. I'm so relieved that you haven't been cancelled (my heart dropped when I saw the title of your post). I'm crossing my fingers that your lining plumps up a bit soon.
ReplyDeleteT.
i'm sure that it made the woman feel a little better -- i know that when i had my m/c, the only people i really wanted to speak to were those who had been through what i had..because we share that unique understanding.
ReplyDeleteif i was the woman i would have been very appreciative of you saying something -- it makes me sad how m/c is usually something that no one talks about. and most people *need* to talk about it.
b
(oh, and yay! about things progressing nicely)
You have been on my mind all day.
ReplyDeleteTake each little step to get a little closer to the crib. If you think of it long term, it is too heavy to hold.
You may consider what worked for me? Pick your next milestone. Don't think too much further than your next u/s appointment. Just hold on for that call tomorrow, then plan.
That woman was lucky to have you.
i think that even if the woman was too shellshocked and devastated to really hear you at the time, your words will come back to her later and she will be comforted. just a little.
ReplyDeletemy sister just got married and i simultaneously want her to get pregnant right away as she has PCOS and i'm scared she'll have difficulty, and want her not to get pregnant until AFTER i have a LIVING CHILD in my arms. i can't imagine how hard it must be to be surrounded by pregnancies and babies. i've been lucky from that point of view, i've been mostly able to hide from it when i've needed to.
sending hugs.
all fingers crossed for you.