Saturday, September 25, 2010

So F'ing Frustrated

Remember that cool and calm R from a few posts ago? She has left the building and little miss frustrated has replaced her. I am seriously quite stressed at the moment and the additional estrogen pumping throughout my body is not helping the situation. I feel like crying or screaming or both. I am just plain fed up.

I have been replaying my conversation with NN in my head all day. I really just don't get what a regroup will do. Back in May, I had a 45 minute conversation with the dr about my thin lining and his take on the situation. He told me in plain English that he thinks this is the best I am going to get and to transfer and hope for the best. He and the head sonographer explained that there are two components to a lining the thickness and the pattern. Ideally, you want to have it above 8 and a triple stripe, but they both believe that the pattern is more important the thickness. Ok, I have the pattern, score one for R. I am not looking for a miracle in regards to my lining, I am realistic and I am happy with my 6.6. I have emailed NN to get her take on the situation....again.

Here is what I wrote her:

Hi NN,

Would it be possible to show Dr Schoolcraft my latest results on Monday when he is back to get his thoughts on if I can transfer or not? It is not that I don't want to regroup with him, or don't trust your judgement, it is just that I had a long conversation with him in May about my lining and the pros and cons of transferring with a 6.5 and he (and I) was confident that that was the best I was going to get so I am not sure what is different this time around.

Also, I have started teaching at a new school this year and I need to inform them of my absence by Tuesday as we are closed for the rest of the week and then I would be leaving. As well, my sister in law is getting married and I have a commitment that I need to be home for and the flights are filling up as it is a long weekend in Canada. So as you can see, I have a lot of things on my mind and the high dose of Estrace is not helping my mood these days :).

Of course, I want to do whatever you and the dr feel will be best, but I am happy with my lining and would like to proceed with the transfer as scheduled. I would cancel if I thought that trying a different protocol would yield better results, but I know this to be untrue from my past attempts.

I am happy to keep my regroup appointment for Thursday if you think that there is new information that I need to consider, but again, I am happy with my 6.6 (and hopefully a bit higher by Friday when I would start the Endometrium).

Please let me know what you think about this plan.


I am just so fucking sick of all this waiting around and regrouping. I just need to get this transfer over with so I can move on one way or another. (Hopefully pregnant, but if not I will start actively looking for a GC.)

Thanks for listening to my vent. I will try and get back to my happy place once this issue is resolved.


  1. oh man this must just be eating away at you. it has been one thing after another and i was happy with your 6.6 too! i hope she understands and shows it to him, there's no reason to change plans if you are doing exactly what you and the doctor decided. i wish i could make this easier on you somehow...just know that im here and thinking about you. you know i have high hopes for a pregnancy for you and A! i just feel it will happen...i hope that helps.

  2. R., good for you for writing to NN & filling her in on your history & your feelings about your lining. I can't imagine that Dr. Schoolcraft won't want you to proceed, especially since your lining is better than it was last time. It just totally sucks that you're having to deal with this waiting in limbo crap. I have everything crossed that Dr. Schoolcraft will give you a thumbs up on Monday.


  3. I think it's great that you wrote to NN. She is likely not aware of the previous conversation you had with Dr. Sch, since she wasn't your nurse then. I hope you are able to get moving!!!

  4. You totally did the right thing and in a very diplomatic way. She isn't the doctor and she also wasn't your nurse last time so she is not aware of the conversations you had back then with Dr. Sch. Besides, it doesn't hurt to remind them over and over again of the specifics of your situation and don't ever be apologetic about doing that - you must be your own advocate in every cycle and you have to do what you feel is best for you. You are your own expert and if you feel that this is the right thing to do and proceed, than push for that and don't apologize for it. There are so many of us and I'm sure that after a while, the details and specifics of each patient start to blur so remind, remind and remind again. I must have told everyone that would listen again and again during my last cycle that I had a history of immature eggs and I pushed so hard that they let me go for one more day of stims otherwise they would have triggered me after their standard # of stim days. You know what is right for you which is why I think you're feeling so frustrated - keep acting on those feelings. After all, remember, they are working for you and not the other way around so ultimately, they do what you want to do.

  5. That is so annoying. Marsha is clearly the best nurse they have there. A regroup is another added piece they can bill you for and charge you eight bucks for long distance, even though most places have free unlimited calling and you probably have it too. Ugh!


  6. I am glad you are standing your ground. I am sorry you have to.

    I caught my nurse in a whopper of a mistake my last round. On bad days, I let it fester and bleed into what ever the f else she messed up and maybe I don't needdonoreggsafterallahhhh...


    You tripped a sore spot with me.

    Advocate for yourself is right.

  7. Wow! I can relate to your feelings, especially about your lining. We all know how important it is for implantation, adding the wait time and uncertainty. It's good that you sent the mail.

  8. R- I hope you get a response from NN soon and that she is able to respect where you are coming from. Your email is VERY well written.

    Thinking of you!

  9. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this horrible waiting place. I hope you get a response soon.

  10. It sounds like writing to her was a very good option. Sitting there and doing some more waiting was clearly driving you bananas. As others have commented, she may not have been aware of the fact that you had that long conversation about your lining with the doc.

    I hope you can keep moving forward with the transfer in early October as expected. My thoughts are with you, lovely R (and so much so that I actually had a dream this weekend that we met up to chat.)