Today I would have turned 12 weeks. Instead I am waiting for AF to show (had some cramping so hopefully this week). Another person congratulated me today at the wedding rehearsal. No, it is not because I look pregnant, but simply because in the natural order of things, the eldest gets married and pregnant first. FML. A. and I had huge dreams of how we were going to announce our exciting news, but instead I held back the tears. The pregnant bridesmaid was there and her belly looked full as she waddled down the aisle. I would have looked like that if my original plan worked. My sister was there with her little bump. I would have looked like that if my second plan worked. Instead, I looked regular on the outside and broken on the inside.
I need strength to get through this wedding on Sunday. Yes, I am so looking forward to seeing my cousin get married to a wonderful guy. Yes, it will be a p-a-r-t-y and there will be a lot of drinks had by me (mostly to show people which sister is pregnant) and yes, I will crying inside overtime I think about what could have and should have been.