I have started to write this post a few times now. I even wrote something, posted it and then deleted it. There is so much to say and yet I can't find the right words.
My wonderful weekend with A. is over. Back to the real world of trouble in paradise. I truly don't know what will happen with us. What I do know is that I deserve better than being treated like this. I also know that despite everything, I love him.
To add insult to injury I had to get my bridesmaid dress altered today. The fucking dress is so huge, it literally fell off. Luckily for me, my sister is getting big so we were able to switch dresses. Now, both of us have minimal alterations. I guess that is a plus. It took all my strength to hold back the tears. I fear this will be a skill that I will need to get used to.
UPDATE: I tried something new today. Giving A. his space. Usually after a fight, I call him and email him (so ironic because I am so not a needy person), but today I just let him be. Turns out this was the best thing because he reached out to me. I was able to get some things off my chest that I have needed to say and I think he did as well. I know that in the end our marriage will be stronger, but right now, it seems like we have a long way to go. At least I know, we both want to be on the road.